Zero To Hero

So tonight we went for dinner at a Japanese pub - an izakaya.  We were half way through our meal when a table of four young Australians came in.  One of them spoke very loudly and constantly.  He prattled to the waitress in what he obviously considered to be proficient Japanese, he read the menu for everyone, ordered for everyone and explained all the dishes.  Then he proceeded to read every Japanese sign on the walls, in particular explain the kanji (Chinese written characters) and  give information on where to go in every city in Japan.  Finally, he cut down any of his party who dared to try and put their two cents worth in about anything to do with Japan.  This is what I like to call a "Mr Japan".  I could tell that this guy would be wearing his yukata (Japanese dressing gown), to breakfast tomorrow, while insisting that he only likes to partake in miso soup for his morning meal.

"Mr Japan"s are different from "Zero to Hero's", who are western men living and working in Japan - typically on the geeky side of average.  Sometimes that's putting it mildly, and 'complete knobjockey' wouldn't be far off the mark.  Upon their arrival in Japan, they suddenly acquire a stud-like status and make the local population of girls swoon with their command of chopsticks and their 'mastery' of the native tongue.  I used to live in an apartment in the heart of the "Zero to Hero's" natural habitat - Roppongi.  It was there that I was able to observe them putting in the not-so-hard yards at various bars; hip hop dancing (badly) in the street to groups of swooners with their caps on backwards; trying out their appalling grasp of Japanese on giggling girls behind the counter in McDonald's; and having a huge deal of success with all of the above.

This adoration by the opposite sex was in complete contrast to my own experience.  Back in the old, old days, I once entertained the appeal of a Japanese boyfriend.  I never even got a single knocker at the door, in 15 lonely months.  Even someone buying me a drink would have counted as a relationship by the end.  But nothing. Nada.  Apparently western girls are known as having big fannies among Japanese men  That's nice to know.  Is that why groups of Japanese boys snicker when I walk past them in the street?

You can't blame me for being a bitch.  I am the natural enemy of the "Zero To Hero", the "Western Woman".  I am bitter, nasty, and I call them losers in my blog.  We hate them because they think they are hot shit, when they obviously aren't.  According to an article I read, they hate us because "we remind them of everything they are not back at home".  I think that's a bit cutting, and was obviously written by a "Western Woman".  I think it's more likely that they hate us because we publicly announce that back in their own country they suck.

Naturally this is a highly stereotypical portrayal of Western men and women, and Japanese women (who I'm sure can spot a geek at 100 paces as well).  But there is nobody who does stereotypical better than the creator of the cartoon Charisma Man. This is a cartoon about a male English teacher who transforms into Charisma Man as soon as he touches down in Japan.

I remember first reading this in my first year in Japan, just after I noticed the whole 'western men are studs' phenomena.   Apparently it was created by an ESL teacher in Japan while he was on the train on his way to work.  As I've said before - gotta do something during those long commutes.

I found it really funny.  But perhaps that was just because I'd already spent too much time in Japan, had turned into a mean spirited celibate (it sounds better if you act like it's a conscious choice), and found laughing at the short comings of my fellow ex-pats highly entertaining.

Apparently the appeal of the "Zero To Hero" is on the way out.  Japanese women are apparently finding their expectations of dating Western men are not living up to the reality (do expectations ever live up to reality though?).  The Western man in Japan, is apparently losing his edge, says an article in The Japan Times, as over exposure to foreigners has lessened their appeal.

If that's the case, there's nobody more happy than me.  After all, I am enemy number one. Now, how to get rid of the "Mr Japans".......