Epically Epic

Generally I loathe the over usage of the word 'epic'.  Particularly when describing snowy things.  However, for at least this entry, I am going to become a snow wanker and use 'epic' as much as I epping well want to.  Today really was though.... epic that is.  The snow gods heard my plea and it started bucketing down yesterday and it went all through the night.  There is nothing more epic than waking up to 30cm of fresh snow.  There's also nothing more annoying (except for a person who says 'epic' a lot),  than hearing someone go on about what a fabulous day they had riding the pillowy fields of pow pow through 'slack country' to heaven.  See, revolting isn't it.  I won't be surprised if some of my nearest and dearest put a bounty on my head for that last sentence.  I'm actually making myself sick.

Maybe be I should tone it down a bit.  It sounds all very cool and skillful when I put in the bits about pillowy riding.  But picture the reality, as more like an ungraceful kind of winter whale, rolling around in snow half the day, fighting to stand up, and then digging itself out of the mounds swearing and sweating, and cursing its own existence.  I've spent a lot of my time getting severely stuck in deep snow over my snow time in Japan.  I'm often nothing but a little mouth sticking out of a white heap yelling "fuuuuccckkk".  Japan is famous for tons of the bloody stuff, but chasing it can lead you on a merry dance.  Once, on a particularly unfortunate 'stuck, and  simultaneously lost, in a gully' incident, I forgot about my imminent death, as I was crippled by the pain of really needing to do a wee.  I was too lazy to unbuckle my board so I leant back, pulled down my pants and just hoped for the best.  Of course I fell into my own frozen wee and got stuck in it.  Trying desperately to pull myself out with various branches, as they kept breaking one after the other, I fell into it time and time again, and couldn't get my pants up.  Even with the help of my companion, my cheeks couldn't be saved from urine frost bite. There has never been anything colder on the face of the earth, than my arse that afternoon.  It also took close to two hours to walk out of that gully.  The sun was setting, and I seriously thought we were doomed.  I'm sure the first person we came across thought we'd been out sniffing glue in the wilderness when I started embracing him and screaming "I'm alive I'm alive"......

So, I've now changed my opinion of this fine mountain, ....amazing how a measly amount of snow can turn things around.  I now encourage everyone in the world to come here.  Right this minute.  And so, while I'm back-tracking, I must also re-declare my opinion of our humble, yet cosy accommodations.  I feel bad now for being mean about the ivy and the toilet brush animals (still hate 'em though).  The owners are actually cuties. They smile too much though, and then I have to smile back all the time.  Too much smiling.   Too much nodding as well, now I come to mention it.    But most importantly, at least they haven't murdered us yet, as I imagined with a scarily vivid horror fantasy on the first night (we were the only guests and everything seemed eerie.... I got carried away I admit it freely).  The only issue is their midnight hobby -  drumming.  They went nuts last night - and I could hear the old lady shrieking.  The screaming is part of the whole taiko drum experience, I get it - cultural stuff and all.  I just wondered why it had to be in the middle of the night.  The old man is very friendly, but there seems to be an awful lot of enthusiasm going on for that beer though....unsettling don't you agree?

What's more unsettling though, is the amount of beer I've been consuming myself.  I never drink beer in any other countries except for Japan.  I used to look back at old photos of me here, and wonder why I had a beer in my hand in every shot - even in the shower and in bed.  I remember now, I really do become a rampant beeru guzzler.  It just tastes better though...I swear.  Also, getting drunk at lunchtime makes rolling around in snow funnier, and less cold.  It's not doing me any favours though.  I have to wear my snowboarding pants with the zip half undone.  That lets more snow in too. And shows strangers my undies.   Neither things are particularly pleasing.

So, due to only being able to get out on the slopes after 10am and having to be back by 3pm (childcare hours), we have decided to put the girls into ski school tomorrow.  They say they take 3 year olds, so we are going to lie.  This way we can get out at 9am and back by 3.30.  Plus, the girls are going to love it!!???  I'll let you know how it  goes...hopefully epic.