Drugs are good, OK

Things really go to shit when you're under the weather. I'm not just talking about the state of my hotel room or how my children are now wearing their pajamas all day. I'm mainly talking about how shitful I myself look. I'm sure those grey roots were bad before, but when teamed with filthy straggly hair, I'm certainly no charmer to behold. My skin is sallow and lined, and so incredibly dry. My leg hairs are long, and the skin beneath white and scaly. It's not pleasant.  However, the sight of me, is apparently not as bad as the moaning about how there has never been anyone sicker than me. I was nearly feeling better, but then had a relapse yesterday and couldn't (or perhaps wouldn't) get off my futon.   

My wretched sidekick buggered off to snowboard on sheet ice (sucked in by the way), and I was left to 'care' for our children. This involved putting the Octonaughts on the computer, my earplugs back in and trying to block the pain. Unfortunately, when you are at your least capable to give it, children want your attention the most, and it wasn't long before they were climbing all over me pulling my earplugs out and putting them back in.  This soon turned into sticking chopsticks in my ears and up my nose and then in my mouth. I really don't rate being fed my own snot and earwax on the end of a chopstick.  It's an experience I would have happily lived without, never feeling I was missing something. And the chatter- it's bloody incessant isn't it? It just goes on and on.  And while it might be cute, it is, in no way enlightening. It's like that comedian C K Lewis says - you could go the first five years of their lives not listening to a single word, and be no worse off. They just never mention something that you think "wow- that was a really good point". They don't even need a response really, as they keep right on talking no matter what you say. After a few texts to my evil friend, I like to call 'You Bastard' - he got the message and came home to help. He found me being used simultaneously as a trampoline and a bed, and luckily took them far far away. I then took half a Valium and had a really nice two hours.

Perhaps being unwell makes you a bad mother- but it's their fault.  It's always the children who bring disease into your life and cough it into your mouth.  Once, one of them vomited into my mouth while I was holding her up, enchanted with her cuteness, going 'who's a gorgeous girl'. That was a low point. No body should have first hand knowledge of what their own regurgitated breast milk tastes like.  Anyway, so at least I was free for a couple of hours. I know the doctors and nurses out there will be shaking their heads at me - but  if you can find a doctor who will write you a few prescriptions for some good stuff to add to your medical kit- get on.  I love prescription drugs. They're so legal.   Chemists in most Asian countries (except Japan - totally crap,weak as piss medication), usually have the goods on the ready for over-the-counter shopping.  I usually get anti-nausea tablets (hangovers never felt so sweet), cortisone cream, anti biotic ointment, adults antibiotics and panadol fortes.  If you're really going all out - nothing wrong with a few Xanax, Valiums, and sleeping tablets - well that depends on which Hollywood celebrity you can no longer ask....  Plus of course get regular things from the chemist that you might need, like re hydrating salts, children's and adults panadol, band aids, cough medicine, tea tree products, Sudocream ( an essential for little bottoms even now), Lucas's Paw paw Ointment, and a battery powered thermometer. You may want to get thrush cream just in case, as miming that can be embarrassing.  And while I think of it,  laxatives - just in case as well....all that white rice.  I once had an old lady in a chemist in Kyoto in hysterics while I was miming that one.  After she wiped the tears away she said to me in perfect English - "So you want laxatives".

Well, I better go and moan some more.  My darling sister may be be recovering from surgery, and my best friend coping with a C-section and new twins- but does it really compare to the pain of that red skin you get under your nose from too much tissue wiping?????