Advance Australia Fair

Rusutsu Resort is really close to the Aussie favourite - good old Niseko.  "Niseko" refers to 6 different resorts - 4 of which are inter-connected and can be skied on one ski pass.  They get a hell of a lot of snow there.  Over 15 metres annually and at present they have well over 4 metres of base.  Nearly 5 metres on one of the resorts.  The snow is plentiful, but not as dry as the rest of the Hokkaido snow.  It's because the weather blows in mainly from Siberia.  Translation; it's fucking cold there.  Anyone who  has been lucky enough to ski there will know first hand just how bad the weather can be.  But then suddenly it will clear, and after 5 days of whiteout, smack bang in front of your eyes is Mt Yotei, the 'mini Fuji' of Hokkaido.  It's an extinct volcano and quite the impressive sight it is too.  I got engaged in front of it (another 'awwwww').  At Rusutsu though, not Niseko, you can see it beautifully from here too.

One of my most favourite past times is to hang shit on Aussies at Niseko.  I feel like I can, because not only am I Australian, I have been to Niseko (got blind and acted like a retard), and will also probably go there again in the future (get drunk and act retarded again - let's face it stranger things have happened).  It's in the same vein as Jewish people making jokes about themselves, or black people calling each other nigga....it's allowed......I think.  But whatever, I'm making my distaste for my fellow countrymen public.  Get over it.....or not....the choice is yours.

Everybody gets a touch of cultural shame regarding the behaviour of their compatriots at some stage.  Australians can be particularly bad.  For one, they think that everybody will love them just because they're Australian.  That's annoying.  And untrue.  The general opinion of Westerners in Japan is basically that we're boorish brutes.  Australians in Niseko hammer this opinion home.  One year a group of snowboarding Aussies stole a car (for fun), and then set it on fire because they got cold out in the snow. There was nowhere to drive it to basically.   Niseko didn't even need to have a police station until the bogan contingent came to town.   Now the new cops in town find themselves breaking up fights in bars, and searching for pissheads who've taken a wrong turn after the bar, and ended up becoming a human popsicle, unfound and unthawed until the snow melts in May.

One night at Niseko, I too descended into my deepest, darkest, drunken boganity.   This was the night I spent strangling the giant snowman until the head rolled free, kicking holes in a snow wall and swearing- in front of a shocked Japanese family, slipping over about 70 times while 'singing' (more like shouting at a million decibels) "I wanna rock and roll all night and party everyday".  I also found myself screaming 'someone give me a fucking cigarette" at the top of my voice from my balcony at 3am, and finally crawling on the ground, searching in the shag pile, for some cocoa flavoured treats I dropped, screeching about their delicious "waxy consistency".  It's on video.  It's not pretty. What can I say...if you can't beat 'em.....

Anyway, right in the middle of the chocolate snack searching chaos, I noticed some sad looking sucker peering in through the windows at the front of our apartment.  I went and opened the window and this poor pathetic voice came through;
"I can't find my hotel, it looks warm in there, can I come in with you?"
The response from my fellow revellers was as follows;
"No way"
"Tell him to fuck off Saunders"
"Get a ciggie off him, then tell him to fuck off".
I went back to the window and explained perhaps now wasn't the best time.
"I heard what they said" he whimpered.  I forgot the window was open.

Perhaps 10 minutes later I noticed he was lying down in the snow in front of our apartment.  Imagining the headline;  "Niseko's Shame : Four Drug Addicted Alchoholics Look On and Laugh as Aussie Battler Freezes to Death".  I went outside to scope the situation.  He actually had his pants down.  I was like; "Get up you scallywag, pull up those pants, get yourself together.  Now off you go"  He was lost.  He tried to hug me. With his pants down.  I put a stop to that right then and there, found a map inside, and although I am shit with directions, I think I managed to get him back on the right track.  Unless it was him who snagged some one's fishing line in early June.  Minus 15 degrees and inebriation....doesn't really work.

A friend of mine went to Niseko in a group of ten.  One of the guys pre-sent a package of marijuana to the hostel he was staying at.  The owner signed for it, as it arrived before they got there.  As soon as the package sender arrived and found out his parcel of good times had made it safely,  he ripped it open in the common room.  It didn't go down well.  Pot is treated as a class A in Japan.  The poor woman who signed for the greenery,  nearly had a heart attack imaging her incarceration in a Japanese jail.    Whatevs - gotta have ya smoko right?  The same crew set fireworks off the balcony at 2am and the fire brigade got called....twice.  Then they all jumped off the balcony into the snow and one of the dudes broke his pelvis.  The next morning his mates buggered off  to rip up the freshies, and left him moaning in agony in bed.  The poor suffering hostel owner had to arrange for his emergency flight home.  This all happened on the first night. I think there was a session of onsen divebombing thrown in there, a few snowboarder vs skier fights, heaps of jostling in the lift lines, and of course lots of bongs and beerus too.  Japan is the shit mo fo's......

"Youse got any beeru's?"

I think I've finished my assault.  So should we all be a bit more culturally sensitive? Perhaps.  Do the Japanese really care? Perhaps?  They're just probably glad snow tourism is still moving the economy along, and I'm sure many people have made a lot of money.  Let's face it, Niseko's a brilliant resort. It deserves it's fine reputation.   Just take a map with you when you go out for Jagerbombs.......