Do you wanna go.. straight to Hawaii, Hawaii.....

I can't believe I lived on this island for a whole year, and never once visited the mindblowingly great mountain I fingerbanged the living crap out of today.  Kamui rocks.  It would have only taken a couple of hours train ride from Sapporo too.  Why oh why was I so lame?  I only went to three resorts on an island jam packed with ski mountains - it could be a criminal offence.  The three I visited were Kokusai (a.k.a Eye of the Cock), Rusutsu (Rooters) and Niseko (Wankerland).  Pa. the. tic.  They were all good though - don't get me wrong.  World class in fact.  But somewhere new is always good.  And somewhere good, that is also new, is even better.

It was a true gem.  Great snow.  No people.  Good trees.  Hokkaido is definitely the place to come at this time of year.  It's still cold so you don't get any of that melt-thaw-melt = ice, that we got at other resorts on Honshu in March.  Just soft dry powder on top of packed powder.  At many resorts world-wide, there are strict out-of-bounds policies in place.  Ski patrol seek and destroy....your lift ticket.  At other places they say -"Hey, ski out of bounds, but if you fuck up and get lost, or break an extra bend into your leg with the help of an inconveniently placed tree - you're coughing up if you don't want to freeze to death or die moaning 'my leg my leg'".  It actually says that on a sign.  Anyway you'll be pleased (or may be not so), to realise that your life and limbs are not cheap.  That search and rescue team are sitting back counting their gold coins, and laughing about how their decoy  "Family Run This Way" sign, lured yet another group of skiers into death gully.


However, Kamui management openly state "Welcome Friends - Ski where ever you like, and don't worry! If bad shit messes you up good and proper, we will rescue you.  OK desu!!!"  Love that.  The kids were back at ski school.  I like the Japanese ski lesson style.  With the Aussies at Miyoko, the kids were having hot chocolates, reading stories, cuddling soft-toys...oh, and a tiny bit of skiing to that pretty blue plastic flower.  With the Japanese instructors, it's more like, "Here we are at the top of the mountain kid.  Now ski".....Push....."ahhhhhhhh".....crunch......another couple of grand in the coffers for ski patrol.

Because it's such a tiny day-mountain, there's no accommodation there.  Fine by me, I'm liking our city hotel. I was starting to get a bit sick of all the attention in Tazawako - the "Oh my god! what are gaijin doing here looks" also irked.  All that smiling and 'arigato's.  Give me a break, I'm so sick of being thankful.  I just want to be sullen.  I understand why Valli gives bitch-face to anyone who says "hello" to her these days.  She got over it age 1, after a particularly aggressive group of photo-taking Russians shook her out of her slumber at the zoo in Bangkok, to get the 'awake shot'.  Here, we're mostly ignored.  A few "kawaii"s to the twins every hour, but they can be brushed off by not making eye contact...

Cordi survived

We have beds too.  It feels novel after three weeks on the floor.  There was a lot of trampolining.  There are real pillows.  This is what I was most looking forward too, out of anything.  Those mini, bean-filled fuckers are not right.  What the hell is with them?  I mean surely they directly compared stuffings - goose feathers vs. pebbles - and immediately recognised that there was a obvious difference in snugly softness.  Though perhaps everyone was just so happy to get their heads off one of those little wooden stand pillows that they got into in olden times, that they thought - "All you've got is pebbles for pillow stuffing?  No worries, I'll take it.  One for the wife as well".

So soft

The heating's a problem though.  Even with all heaters switched off, we're all getting around in our undies, and sleeping with the covers off.  It's been like that at every place, only in this stuffy room we can't even open a window.  Look I get it.  It's bloody freezing outside.  I, myself like to be as cosy and comfortable indoors as the next person.  However, I just don't understand the jump from deep arctic to peak tropical summer every time you step through a door.  I mentioned the over-dry skin and the night-time waking to scull 5 litres of water?  Well, it's also hard to dress for the north pole, and the beach at the one time.   Outside it's minus a million, inside it's forty.  As soon as you're indoors, the layers have to start coming off, until all you're left in, is a tank top and a pair of scruds.  Then you have to carry half your wardrobe over your arm, until you decide to go home.  Then it all goes back on again.  The girls in their mini skirts and bare legs make more sense now, don't they?  Those girls are dressing for the mall, and going outside is just a temporary inconvenience.  Carrying your long johns over your arm when you meet your date at Macca's is never a good look either.

Perhaps because it is so cold for so many months of the year, people really are just trying to pretend it's summer inside public spaces, offices and homes.  There's always a lot of posters up for holidays to Guam too.  At this hotel, a giant plasma screen TV plays a video advertisement for an approaching Hawaiian Party, on loop 24 hours a day.  Sadly we will miss it by three days.  Nothing I like more on a snow holiday, than to put on a bikini, a grass skirt, tuck into a spit roasted suckling pig and some pineapple, and make a night of it.  That hula dancing is really something else too, isn't it?

I guess with the nearby ski mountain closing in less than a week, summer is kind of on the way????  However, with the giant piles of ice and snow everywhere, I'm just not feeling it Beach Boys style....Aloha and out.