Tired is the new black

Marvelous Miffy and Perfect Purdy

Lets hope Amy Poehler is on the money with the above title quote, because if so, I have been rocking that new trend faithfully for the past three years.  Also pleased to hear that news, will be my dear friend - brand new Mumma Of Twins (M.O.T).  Her cute little bundles are currently doing everything in their power to break her with the only weapon they have....sleep deprivation.  I dare not tell her, that as they grow, they gather more and more tools of psychological warfare to use in their evil plot to push their parents over the edge of sanity.  However,  I really think that the early sleep deprivation is one of their most heinous strategies (why do you think it's the top torture of choice at Guantanamo?).  Apparently, they bring it back into use in their teenage years, when they are out drinking casks of fruity lexia in the gutter, and hitch-hiking with carloads of inebriated boys....It's always good to have something to look forward to.

look closely

But back to my friend - I have already offered my most sincere pity admiration for what a far-out fricken fantastic job she is doing.  And now, I want to share it with the world (OK maybe only about 25 of our mutual friends who actually read this). She is doing so incredibly brilliantly. It's almost like she is giving a big double-handed "Fuck You" to anyone who had the audacity to even slightly entertain the notion that she may not have had it in her to handle the incomprehensible (except to anyone who had twins as their first babies....you poor bastards) learning curve of keeping two tiny humans fed, clothed, clean and (reasonably) happy - or come to think of it, alive!  It is so bloody hard. I now want everybody reading this, to stop for a minute and give her a clap.  She deserves it, and more.  She can't drink, otherwise I would suggest sending her bottles of hard liquor as well.

New motherhood never looked so good

All together now; "Awwwwwww"

Little Miffy snuggles with Cordi

As there is nothing cuter than new born twins (except for perhaps those kittens in bottles they grow in China - if you know what I'm talking about, and even worse agree, I am turning you in to PETA for being sick and twisted), I, of course, had to get my fair share of the action.  I have been turning up on my friend's doorstep so often, that I'm sure she is just about to get a restraining order out on me.  But I can't help it. Those little munchkins are so "ef"'ing adorable. I can't use actual 'fuck' in a sentence when associated with them, it would pollute their pure snuggly muffin-ness.  Even their poo is all yellowy cuteness.  When I see their little precious faces, they make me only remember the good times associated with my own twinnies.  Temporarily gone (until now) are the memories of rocking a cot a thousand times while sobbing "Why meeeeeee", scrubbing shit out of my favourite top with a toothbrush, apologising profusely to friends about why I always stink of chunder, despairing about the bags under my eyes and the new appearance of stomach cellulite.  It's only about the fluffy bunny snuggles and cutie-pie cuddles.

My how they grow....

Valli wants a baby brother called "Pooey"

Cordi wants one called "Centre of the Earth"

As Skye and I wholesomely cuddled our little girls today, I reflected on our former hang-out activities of choice.  It's hard to believe times could change so much.  Who could believe that two once drunken and depraved human beings could go from this.....

....and this....

....and even this.....

To this.......

What a bunch of lame goodie goodies

Thank god too.  I no longer have it in me to roll around gutters in Paris, sculling champagne out of bottles.  I also couldn't now face arguing for an hour with French bouncers (could you ever even genetically create bigger arseholes?), just so we could get into a nightclub located under a bridge on the Seine, to see Peaches.  We then, only made it inside by 'judas'-ing a new (and far too drunk) friend we picked up on the curb outside our apartment, by denying we were really with him.  For our instant karma, as we walked in, we heard Peaches say "Here's my final number tonight, Paris....Thank you and Good Night!!".  We were like "What the...???We just coughed up fifty euros each".  Peaches then proceeded to belt out a really bad version of  Whitney's "I Wanna Dance With Somebody" while profusely thrusting her microphone....as she does.....  What else was there to do, but scull twelve vodkas.....Gone too are the days (also eradicated by two blond haired midgets and now a couple of dribbling newborns), of spilling out on the Parisian streets at 5am, and violating a hot chip and meat baguette (later to be revealed  in a series of facebook posted pictures entitled "One Night In Paris"- see above for "best of"...or perhaps "worst of" would be closer to the truth).

"I wanna feel the heat with somebody, with somebody who loves me"

This next admission may get me taken away by child protection services, but unbeknownst to me, I was about one week pregnant at the time all this took place.  Bloody ratbags.  They couldn't even let me have one last night of reckless debauched abandonment.....they had to be along for the ride.  Even as embryos, they were all about the fun wrecking, and subsequent guilt.  Naturally, the fact that they were also out that night, caused me more than just a little bit of stress when that strip turned blue 5 weeks later.  Luckily they appear not to be affected.  Only time will tell. All two year olds are mental cases so it's currently hard to know.  Apparently everyone commits embryo alcohol abuse in one form or another....tell me it's so....

So far so good.....

Yes, spending the evenings in uggboots and a bobbly cardigan is definitely my idea of fun these days.  And if you can get some sleep to go with it, then it's the holy trinity of the good times......Enjoy it all Skysie.  See you again at Christmas time.  The girls will be so big by then.  I'm going to miss you three so much.....

Just a couple more....it's hard to resist posting photos of those babies

I take it back - the only thing cuter than those bottle kittens, is twins holding twins.........

P.S. Skaz - today I met a woman who had four kids and then got pregnant again.  With triplets!  Just be glad everyday (as I am) that you are not her..... xx