Now Drowning in Snow From Every Angle

Snow snow everywhere.....

I had a pretty pathetic couple of days.  I struck me as interesting that the last, and only other time I've been sick in the preceding 12 months, it was also at Tazawako.  It was disappointing.  Whereas previously, a temperature topping minus 20 would be manageable - if it was coupled with piles of large powdery snow flakes (which it was).  But now, suddenly, the thought of sitting on a chair lift held no appeal. Instead resting my head on my hands in between sips of hot chocolates, while peering out the window and being thrilled I wasn't out in the totally unattractive elements, was now plat du jour.  My head ached, my body ached, my throat burnt, and I was as shitty as all hell.  That fucking crap food - unidentifiable slop - too.  I just wanted some fresh food you bunch of cockheads!!!  So whatever, I was crook, I'm just not a very good patient really.  I would hate to look after me.

Little Onsen Hotel Tsurunoyu- heaving under the massive snowfall

Outside onset

I was relieved to know that we were having a little time out from the mountain.  The hectic schedule (of fun) that I'd been on for some time had been without reprieve (poor meeeeee).  So Chalks had booked a night at a nearby onsen guesthouse.  They came to pick us up by shuttle bus in the afternoon.  The driver drove us deeper into the snowy forest.  I have never seen more snow in my life.  It was completely mental.  How can there be so much???  The drive wasn't long, but it was slow.  We finally arrived, just as twilight was gathering, to a tiny place absolutely draped in layers of snow.  I'm surprised the roof hadn't collapsed from so much of the shit.  The whole collection of tiny wooden buildings sit over a hot water fast flowing river of mineral rich water.  People have been coming to bathe in the therapeutic waters for nearly 400 years.  It is called Tsurunoyu Onsen which means Crane's Hot Water.  The true story of the discovery of the incredibly healing powers of this water involves, you guessed it - a Japanese Crane.  In this case, a Japanese crane with a sore leg.  A local hunter saw a crane bathing its injured birdie limb in the waters coming up from the earth long ago.  From hence forth,  people have been visiting this place to heal their ailments and partake in the complex array of life-giving minerals these waters provide.  Fascinating shit huh?

More whole fish being cooked in our room

It was verging on the impossible to book.  Chalks managed to do it by phone - and I have no idea how. I'm impressed, but will never admit it (we are always in competition over our comprehension and abilities regarding our nihongo jozu - good Japanese).  Any admitting of another's language strength signifies immediate weakness.  I would not buckle, and there would be no compliments.  He has already learnt the hard way, and he still married me.....

My warming saviour

Getting in the vibe

This place was bullshit.  BULLSHIT. Forget the life affirming waters - how about our room???  Pretty screens, ace views (if piles of snow is your thing) an ash pit where dinner was cooked for us at night, scalding hot milky baths.  The food was all sourced from the area - mountain mushrooms, sashimi and whole cooked river fish, roots and mountain vegetables.  One thing I haven't addressed is just how fucking freezing it was.  I have never stayed in a colder place in my life.  In the parts of the hotel that weren't heated, the ice crystals came through the wood panels.  There was ice all over the inside of the windows, and the room (although heated with hot air blowing heaters) remained on the chilly side.  So cold was I, that I couldn't get to sleep, and ended up having a late night scalding hot bath in the onsen to warm myself to the core.  Then I changed into my thermals and wore my snowboarding socks and a wool beanie to bed.  It was a long night of sleep.  I racked up 10 hours and Chalks 11.  The girls slept their usual 12.  Of course there was no television, but also no internet or phone connection.  It was one of the most isolated places I have ever been to.

Looks pretty, tastes uncool

Valli chows down on the whole black fish

Breakfast sucked as usual.  You know things are bad when you look forward to the soy sauce cured black fish as a welcome reprise from the other food.  Valentina certainly enjoyed it.  I was amazed.  She even played with the eye.  In this instance I was disturbed.  Post breaky it was up and out.  Chalky was keen to get back on the slopes seeing it had snowed all night.  I was less keen, but welcomed the thought of a hot chocolate and some kind of food that was recognisable.   I still felt sick.  The sore on my hand didn't seem healed either.  I mentioned my doubts about the reputed healing powers of the waters.  Chalks assured me that the healing was internal.  That night (when we returned the Japanese "Old Power" hotel for our final night in the area) I had a very unsettled sleep.  I kept waking up absolutely drenched in sweat.  It was pretty gross, but I was too weak to do anything about it.  Well by morning time, the results were undeniable.  I was completely back to my old annoying self.  I seriously felt 100% cured.  Completely over it and ready for an action filled day on the slopes.  I became an instant believer in the powers of the Tsuronoyu Onsen waters.

The weather looked good at the bottom

Narnia

Thank god for that really.  We had booked a CAT tour to the back country, and now disused resort located nearby to Tazawako Ski Village.  Taking a CAT tour to a now non-operating resort is the stuff of legend.  Many people talk about it - how it's possible, how there are so many resorts that closed down after the 80s boom, and sit vacant, waiting for pow pow creamers to come and rip it up - yet nobody I've ever met has actually done it.  Well, we were going to go for it.  The urban legend of CAT riding the deserted resort was going to become our reality.  I was extremely excited.  This faded a little to anxiety when I got handed a pack with a shovel, snow shoes, retractable poles and had an avalanche beacon strapped to me.  Chalks, myself, a guide and a short middle aged man called Mr Yamanuchi all piled into the CAT ready for adventurous action.  By this stage the two coffee's I'd had for breakfast were filling my bladder at an increasing rate and I wondering with some alarm where the hell I was going to achieve release.  It was an exceedingly long ride to the top.  At some stages it even seemed like the large vehicle just wasn't going to make it.  The landscape was startlingly beautiful.  Like Narnia in The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe, when the Snow Queen ruled the lands with an icy oppressing fist.

Freezing and unforgiving

Shelter

Finally we came to a stop and were told to pile out.  There was a small hikers hut which we took temporary shelter in as the weather had come in bad.  There was a toilet!!! (I chose to hover over the completely ice encrusted seat).  Apparently we had a two hour snow shoe hike ahead of us.  I was completely shocked.  Was this in the brochure??? Who would know, the fucking thing was completely in Japanese.  I honestly thought it would be up and down all day in the heated CAT.......I guess the snow shoes on my pack should have really set off the alarm bells before we left.

Some people are cool, some just aren't

After waiting a little while in the freezing cold, our guide - Fujiwara - informed us that "a short walk" would now be necessary.  So off we went.  Snow shoes on, board on back, poles a ready.  Has anyone ever tried uphill deep snow walking before?  I wouldn't.  Unless physical pain is your thing.  The sheer beauty of my surroundings kept me occupied for a little while, then imagining a bear waking up mid hibernation and feeling a little peckish meant I didn't let myself lag too far behind.  I was tempted to scream out KUMA!!!! (bear) on occasion - just to see the masses panic.  But I didn't feel cruel enough to go for it.  Also, because I was bringing up the rear, the others had already trampled the snow down somewhat and it was far easier for me, so there was a twinge of guilt (which didn't last long actually) that also prevented the false cry of man eating beast.  Chalks didn't seem to be loving life really.  I decided to annoy him by chanting "Witness the Fitness"  about my unpuffed self.  It was definitely annoying.  For him.  Not for me though.  It was actually hilarious.  Then I realised that with icicles hanging off his helmet, a stiff frozen face-warmer, ice all over his face and completely frozen goggles, Chalks was not going to be chuckling about my lame jokes at any time soon. I quit the jokes, decided definitely against the bear call, and took photos instead....see......

Chalk's least favourite moment of the whole trip captured on camera and shared with all

Trample that snozza down for me honey, trample it down

Only put this in to try to impress

By the time we made it to the top, I was thinking "This had better be good".  And it was.  It's not often that you get to swoosh through a metre of untouched powder in the middle of nowhere.  It was a short-lived pleasure though.  Honestly I would have expected more for all that trudging.  Then the next part involved more swooshing, some pushing ourselves with retractable poles through thick snow, another walk with snow shoes, and finally more swooshing.  The swooshing part was what it was all about.  But I would like to point out that it was a whole lot of work for not much - to be honest.  The pain far exceeded the short moments of pleasure.  And there were some pretty badly uncomfortable moments.  My low point arrived when all my fingers and toes had gone numb from pushing myself through deep snow with the poles.  Then once I started the next phase - walking with the snow shoes again - and the blood began to flow through my toes finally,  the pain was horrendous.  It was like my little piggies were being crushed in a vice.  Fun stuff.  Did we really pay a hundred and fifty smacakaroos to be tortured like this?  The only thing that was going through my mind apart from "God NOOOOOOOO" was that song from 1990-something.  Retractable Penis.  It was because of the retractable poles you see.  I just couldn't get it out of my head......"retractable penis, retractable penis.....".  Then Chalks informed me that it was actually "Detachable Penis".  I was disappointed.  I do that lyric-fuck a lot too.  Probably the worst one was with that song by The Rolling Stones "Start Me Up, Start me up, (I'll never stop)".....for some reason I thought the words went "Stomeo, Stomeo, I'll never talk".......Chalks pointed that out to me on one of our first dates.  That was a tad embarrassing actually.  Oh well, like I said, he still married me, despite my disabilities.

The toes are really hurting here

Another less fine moment for the old ball and chain

Talking of disabilities, I think me, Chalks and Mr Yamanuchi were all relieved when we ungracefully rolled out of the back country, and tumbled down a snowy shoot next to a river of sulphur smelling water.  For a start I was starving.  There's only so many miles of uphill walking in snow shoes that a few sheets of dried seaweed and a bite of fish head will cover you for.  I had reached my limits long ago.  Besides we had a date with some besties in Tokyo and were leaving that afternoon.  I was actually looking forward to breakfast carbs, a bed that wasn't on the floor, stepping outside my room without a round of ohayo gozaimus with all the geriatrics, a pillow that wasn't made of pebbles and a tiny break from being buried alive in snow.  No matter how much you love it, a change is always fun......

OK, I'll put one in of Chalks looking cool too