Buried in Snow in Japan's own Tazzie

I've seen better photos

Long live Tazawako!  We fricken love it here.  What a random gem of a resort.  It's tiny, that's for sure, but it kicks big arse.  The snow is always excellent, the crowds are sparse, the foreign scum consist only of us (and a few Koreans on occasion - who come to see where their favourite Korean Love Drama was partially filmed), and the silver haired crowd rule supreme. The older skiers even wear badges that say "Japan Old Power" on their upper arms.   Particularly, the greys dominate in the hotel we booked into this year.  We couldn't stay in last year's hotel (banned possibly?), or the one the year before that (gone out of business...due to us??), so we randomly selected another.  It was gold.  As I mentioned, a classic Japanese country hotel.  So dated and shabby.  Only Japanese style rooms, food and language.

Japan-easy

Bendies Inc.

It was completely packed with olds.  I've never a seen a more concentrated collection of osteoporosis.  The Japanese get it bad too.  Too much bending down in those rice paddies year after year can do nasty things to your posture.  It must be so uncomfortable, never being able to straighten up.  Although part of me just want to put a knee in those backs, grab hold of the shoulder and have a good old wrench and say "Stand up straight you old bendy , and stop staring at my fanny".  That's exactly where they're looking too when you go for your evening onsen.  And it's not like I can tell them to stop staring, their eyes have no where else to go.

A friend of mine, due to arrive in Japan tomorrow asked if she would feel out of place having an onsen and being unwaxed in the lady garden region.  I was like "No way".  The Brazilian is yet to sweep Japan.  All the ladies embrace their forests like they do the remainder of Japan's once thriving old growth.  The bush is back.  In fact it never went away.  Those pubes are thick, and anyone who isn't on board feels like a peeve with a Lolita complex who's trying to get a role in a D grade porno.  That would be me by the way.  I'm still suffering the effects from an over zealous fanny waxer with a penchant for pubic pain.  I forgot about the side effect of showing the female half of the Japanese public my clitoris whenever I decided to bathe nude publicly.  Usually I wouldn't even go there, but those mineral baths after a hard day on the snow are out of control fucking fabulous.  It is worth the public shunning of perversion.

Mary Kate and Ashley - The Misty Onsen Twins

Whole fish and other crap

I want to delve briefly into the food here before I go into detail about my legendary performance daily on the snow (actually I've been pretty sooky and lame this week, but more about that soon).  Chalks is mad for the food here.  But me, I tire of it.  Too many dishes, most of them unidentifiable and weird.  I like to know what I'm eating, and I don't want it to be green, snotty, and include an edible head.  It is a good idea to learn how to say "I don't want" in Japanese prior to arrival.  That way you can also order your lunch noodles without the raw egg and the frothy snot.  They never serve sushi at these kind of places.  Or tempura, or any of your usual Japanese classics loved in the west.  There's a reason why the Japanese Mini Whole Fish restaurants never really took off, and why the Tokyo Pond Sludge joint on St Kilda Road sits empty every night.  Just not tasty.  I don't want to eat fibrous roots for dinner.  I'll have the soup, but does it have to include really bizarre types of giant twisted mollusks?  Same with breakfast.  There was nothing to eat.  I just can't go that grated yam shit - it really does take on the consistency of phlegm.  Fuck off with your stewed meat too.  Not one piece of bread in sight.  I know I'm in Japan, but who doesn't love a mini muffin in the morning?  Put a banana muffin on a plate next to a sour pickled mini plum and who's going to zone in on the plum?  Really???  Be honest with yourselves here people, I don't care how long it's been since you ate carbs.  Amazingly Valli and Cordi developed a fondness for dried seaweed.  That was all they ate for breakfast - maybe a couple of spoons of rice to go with it.  I was impressed.  That stuff is good for you.......not very filling though really.....

Munch it down Vee Vee

View from one of our windows

Not much to ski on either.  Those seaweed sheets must be about 3 calories a pop.  We only put them in ski school one day here.  Not because the ski school wasn't good, actually it was brilliant.  But because of 2 things.  Number 1 = day care was so incredibly cheap - $17 dollars for a whole day - each kid.  Crazy.  And, number 2 = it was just so bloody cold.  Seriously it was freezing.  Minus 25 with the wind chill factor, and I was not loving life.  I had to keep coming in and taking hot chocolate breaks to try and warm up.  It was brutal.  Windy as all hell too sometimes.  But the snow itself was totally worth it.  It practically didn't stop the whole time we were there.  And with the lack of other punters there was so much fresh snow to be had it felt almost criminal that more people weren't there enjoying it.

Dreaming of my bathers, the beach and a chilled white wine here

The difference with Tazawako, is that rather than being privately owned - like somewhere such as APPI -  Tazawko is a state owned ski mountain.  This is why it is cheap and well maintained.  It must be one of the only ones in the area, and the local government keeps pouring money into it, despite the lack of crowds.  It's why the day care is next-to-nothing, the ski school is cheapish (and good), and why new restaurants keep being built, and everything is impeccably cared for.  It's very personal and homely.  Just like the hotels and all the people that work here.

Number One Fanclub

This place also has a special kind of meaning for us, because it is where we were the day that the March Earthquake/Tsunami hit Japan nearly 2 years ago.  Every time we go up the summit lift, we recall the sensation of the earthquake from so high up,  and of course,  it's aftermath.  The people that work at the resort still remember us from this day.  I guess you remember things from traumatic events.  It's nice to be welcomed back fondly though.  And I think that's why the ladies in the childcare room love Valli and Cordi so much.  They were with them at that time,  they protected them, and held them until we finally made our way back to our babies two hours after it struck.

Looking good on the runs

Just a brief visit this time.  But of course we will come back next year.  It's too good to stay away. I do have a boot to put in though.  They seem to have borrowed APPI's favourite ski slopes CD to blast all over the mountain from the various speakers mounted on the chair lift line.  I like to call it - "Modern Songs to Ski To" Volume 2.  Well, who knows what it's really called, but if I ever hear "Somebody I used to Know"  "Diamonds in the Sky" and "We're Gunna Die Young" on loop repeat again for days in a row, I'm going to use my new fuchsia helmet like a large rock and shatter somebody's jaw bone.  I was visibly relieved when they changed it to J-Pop yesterday, and usually I can't stand the shit.  Even last year's favourite "Mournful Japanese Ballads to Ski To" Volume 16, that used to send me insane, would have been better than Gotye, Rihanna, and not to mention, her slutty little white trash friend .

Yes you, Scrag Face

So if you feel you can put up with bad music blaring across the powdery fields, and really disrupting your peaceful appreciation of the glorious snowy world, that is Tazawako Ski Jo, then you should come along. It is hard to get here though, and the language barrier can be a challenge considering you will not meet a single soul who speaks a word of English.  It's the sticks dudes.  I don't think the JET program has infiltrated schools out here yet, and certainly there's no English schools to be seen.  It takes some sort of determination to get here (and a legend of a husband who makes it happen every year), plus a higher diploma in charades.  This is the true Japanese countryside.  It's not for everyone, but it is for us!!!!

Red nose, strained with the bone numbing chills, but happy