Tobago Cays - yes please

Ridiculously lovely

Tobago Cays (pronounced  Tobago "Keys") would have to be one of the most stunning sights in the world (apart from me first thing in the morning on January 1st each year).  Basically, how could you get better than 5 uninhabited islands, with lush white beaches all surrounding a reef - perfect for diving and snorkeling?  Off one of the beaches is a large amount of sea grass, which attracts masses of giant Hawkbill turtles that you can swim with and some very large rays - which seemed reasonably friendly.  Maybe not if you're Steve Irwin.  Was it ever proven that his last word was "crikey" or was that an evil rumour?

We see beautiful sea creature - Caribbeans see soup and a few hair combs

What doesn't look good from the air?- well perhaps Chernobyl....

Naturally you have to get here by boat.  The closest port is union island - for us it took 2 and a half hours by old fashioned wooden sailing boat from Bequia.  How charming.  In fact, the site is so picturesque that it was used extensively during the filming of Pirates of The Caribbean.  Many areas around here were.  And quite rightly so, as after all, it is actually the Caribbean, and nothing more looks like the Caribbean than the Caribbean itself.


So, that morning we set off on the Friendship Rose.  Fruit, coffee and croissants were served as the boat pulled out of the harbour and rounded the south side of the island.  We spotted the "Moonhole" as we rounded another bend.  The New York Times in 2004 described Moonhole as such;

"It is a quirky 19-home ecologically oriented development built of native stone, with whalebone accents, on the steep hills of the island's southern tip. The name comes from a soaring natural arch on the shore through which the moon can be seen at times"

Whalebone accents huh?  Told you whale slaughter was on the menu around here.  These structures were build by a couple of hippies in the 60s (obviously that free love doesn't extend to our seabound mammal friends) and you can actually rent one to stay in - for a high price.  Call me Miss Picky - but if I'm shelling out mega bucks for accommodation I would at least like my dwelling to have walls.  If you're squatting - no issues, but when coughing up hundreds,  you actually may like to have running water on hand, and a light or two.  It does look impressive from the water though.  Which is where I'll keep my experience of the Moonholes.

The arch where the moonviewing goes down

As I said - walls just aren't a priority

Jabby - our saviour

Next we saw flying fish which was a first for me.  Those little bastards sure can move.  I was feeling quite enchanted with the whole experience.  Until reality settled in.  It started with being sick of the boat.   Look, and I'm sorry to those dear friends of mind that love a sail,  but I just don't get the whole boat thing.  They are great at first - but then, don't you just want to arrive somewhere???  The whole time you're on board you're just looking for land.  And when you finally spot it, it takes ages to actually get there.  By the time you step foot on the jetty, you're like "Thank FUCK for that".  Then the reality that you have to go all the way back starts to eat away at the initial relief.  Deserted islands are great sounding - but they are in fact deserted.  You can't sit under an umbrella and have a cocktail served by someone called "Sunshine" with Bob Marley floating out over the humidity.  When ourselves, and our fellow passengers got rowed over to one of the white sand beaches, the race was on to find shade.  I ended up fighting over a twig's shadow with a overweight pasty Russian.  So of course we got sunburnt.  All of that snorkeling and staring at turtles turned it into the 3rd degree kind.  We also got caught in a rip over the reef, and had to be rescued along with a 70 year old.

So pretty - but this shot excludes the group brawl over the shade under that tree

All I wanted to do was to be teleported home, preferably with a fist full of aloe vera.  As we got rowed back to the boat, and hung around on there watching an annoying group of Americans get plastered on beer, I wondered why I constantly insist on suggesting we take a tour somewhere.  They always sound so, so much better than the actual experience.  Am I alone in thinking this?  Other tourists are irritating, the heat is suffocating, the food uninspirational.  Plus, I'm so totally over hearing about what Johnny Depp got up to during filming. "That's where Johnny Depp stayed"  "I once gave Johnny Depp a ride to the airport"  "Johnny had a pina colada and a club sandwich at this bar" "Johnny Depp waved to my cousin's friend's mother"  "Johnny Depp did a shit in this toilet".  It gets a little much.  I get it alright - Pirates of The Caribbean  was 'ere, and you may have had some Johnny Depp-ish experience.  Move on people.

This island's catch cry is "Resort of Johnny Depp"

This is where the cousin's friend's mother waving allegedly took place

Hold back that chunder handsome

Unfortunately, there's another factor involved in travelling by boat.  It's called sea sickness, and it is a horrendous experience.  My beloved gets sea sickness so badly, that just sitting on a surfboard makes his gut churn.  Once he went for a kayak/snorkel trip, and his friend ended up paddling them both back to shore, while the poor green Chalky lay helpless in the bottom.  Although I have been known to have a heave overboard on occasion, I seem to be more of a plane sickness type of person.  Did you know that those paper vomit bags are surprisingly sturdy?  A memorable incident, was when I had an attack of the spews just as my plane landed. I was sitting in the very front seat, and every other passenger had to walk past a chundering me to get off.  Of course they all looked - who can't resist a stare in such a circumstance.  As I finally dragged myself to my feet the pilot kindly said "Is there anything I can do to help you Miss?"  I handed him my vomit bag and stumbled off the plane.  It will probably be the last time he ever voices concern for a puker.

So lately I've been pondering another island trip, but luckily I have also managed to talk myself out of it so far.    I know it seems lazy, but honestly home is so so much better.  It's cool, there's a pool, a fridge, snacks, a bed, banana lounges, drinks with ice.  And more to the point no annoying companions - (apart from the kids).  I now understand why my mother says she would rather watch overseas destinations on TV than actually go there.  While it's true that reality often exceeds expectations and you mostly remember the good times, you have to face the fact that you will often be hot, tired, frustrated, hungry, irritated, broke, unsatisfied and sick.  But isn't that all part of the fun????  Maybe it was when I was 20 - but my current attitude reflects an awareness of my age that I typically try to deny and suppress on an everyday basis.  Now are the times when I will often ask myself "What would Johnny Depp do?"  It seems obvious doesn't it? Especially with my now intimate knowledge of his Caribbean daily schedule. A cocktail. A sandwich.  And a poo.