The Fatty and The Hag

"There are two types of women in the world - those who like chocolate, and complete bitches"
Dawn French.

Something that's popped up on Facebook a couple of times now, which also happens to be something that pisses me off (for a change) is the above post, which shows the photographs of Gillian McKeith and Nigella Lawson, and the accompanying dialogue.   I'm sure you've all seen it before - but basically the gist is - Nigella is a hot sexy piece because she consumes meat, wine and fattening desserts, while Gillian is an repugnant dog because she advocates a mostly vegan lifestyle.  There are so many things wrong with this on so many different levels.  I could go off on a feminist tangent abut how disgraceful it is that women are once again judged solely on their looks as opposed to their deeds  - but I won't of course, because I'm not an ugly butch leso with unwaxed facial hair.

Let me instead stick to the obvious issues that this (non) representation of the "healthy" lifestyle vs.  the "fuck it - lets bathe in lard" approach brings up.  Firstly, lets tackle to all too apparent differing circumstances that these two photographs are taken in.  The one of Nigella is apparently taken 4 years ago, and lighting is doing her a lot of favours.  Also, she's in an evening gown with her tits taped up, and let's face it - there has been a hell of a lot of injectables shoved into that face.

Oh dear

The one of Gillian instead, is the worst possible photo that could be taken of anyone (except the one next to this text block).  It was taken while Gillian was a contestant in "I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here".  In the image above, she's just crawled out her mosquito infested tent in the jungle, hasn't showered for a week and has just faced the challenge of eating a tarantula for breakfast.  There is no way anyone could not look like a wretched hag under these circumstances.  If the focus of this argument is in fact looks, then perhaps a photo should be posted of the two ladies in their bathers for a second look and analysis.....

You really shouldn't do this - oh, and go easy on the eyeshadow next time Gilly

Not Nigella's finest hour - at least we know why she has great skin - hint- it's not from butter

It's not that I particularly like either woman.  Nigella is often described as "delightful" and "charming".   don't find her so.  Besides, I don't see what's so delightful about watching a grown woman give a blow job to a wooden spoon full of cake batter.  Many people argue that her meals are devoid of processed food, and that she makes everything from scratch.  It's a pity that a large percentage of these meals use such natural ingredients as double cream, piles of sugar, and blocks of chocolate.  Forget how she looks on the outside - how are those arteries love?  Plus, she also suggests giving piles of refined sugar to children in some of her "child friendly" snacks.

Oooh yeah baby

Scrubbing up a little better

I've also watched Gillian McKeith's show "You Are What You Eat".  It's one of those shows that takes an overweight unhealthy Brit,  and lays all the food they have consumed in a week out on a table.  That bit's my favourite, and is seriously revolting.  Perhaps not my favourite bit is when she makes them do a poo, and examines it, then proceeds to tell them how disgusting it is.  It's poo Gillian - it's meant to be obscene.  Considering that the woman refers to herself as a doctor (and isn't) obviously means she is a bullshitter.  Although she also refers to herself as "The Queen of Greens" and "The Nutritional Nazi".  Fair enough - she also has delusions of grandeur and is anti Semitic.

No Spanx can hold that in

How can anybody argue with the notion that eating a shitload of fruit, vegetables and healthy grains is good for you.  It seems stupid to me.  I know from personal experience that when I eat like Nigella, I do not, and never will look like Nigella - except from behind.  Plus I feel like shit.  Whereas, when I pump up the health factor, and consume largely a plant based diet, I feel bloody amazing, and look a lot better as well.  Nigella is obviously blessed with great genes, as she is, of course, beautiful.  I would further suggest that Nigella looks gorgeous in spite of what she consumes, not because of it.  However, it is very interesting that she has recently lost a shitload of weight by abandoning her former "guilt-free" eating of midnight snacks, consisting of scones dripping in double cream and golden syrup (yum by the way), in favour of a Gillian McKeith style of eating.  Nigella originally tried to blame the weight-loss on bunion surgery - which I don't get -what they cut a bit of her bum cheeks off at the same time or something?....But she has now come clean about eating clean.      http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2065733/Nigella-Lawson-weight-loss-secret-revealed-James-Duigan-Bodyism-Clean-Lean-plan.html

Shunning bacon pie

Oh jesus - this is worse than the ice cream licking

Diets, bodies, lifestyle choices - obviously this kind of topic can not be adequately addressed in this meagre rant.  I have my own opinions and you can all have yours.  All I know is that I want to live a life where I eat the healthiest food I can, and give myself good nutrition whenever possible.  I also thinks it's fine to indulge in treats sometimes, but I want to do so without having a guilt break-down over my thighs.  I want to enjoy life, good health and fitness and try to ensure that my own daughters don't grow up as screwed up over weight and food like myself, and the majority of women out there.  This is why that post on Facebook pisses me off.  It is like saying - who gives a fuck about health and well being?  Eat everything you want and you may in time - providing your desserts have enough heart attack inducing butter in them - become as attractive as the woman pictured here.  What a load of shit.  I might go and suppress my irritation with a carrot........cake.  Or how about a caramel ice cream sundae with fudge sauce?  If it's good enough for Nigella....

Nigella whips up a healthy brunch for the kids