Sport Sport Fucking Sport"

Weird and Creepy - what's with the giant evil baby's body anyway?

I must confess, I wasn't exactly counting down to the Olympics.  But now they're here I've become an Olympic Addict.  I freely admit it.  I tuned in with excitement for the opening ceremony.  It certainly was "spectacular", I'm just not sure if I liked it.  Kenneth Branagh with bushy sideburns and a top hat, talking ye olde English shit?  Please.  And what was with that hospital bit?  That creepy giant baby?  I'm with dlisted.com - that was plain wrong.  This site also brought up another good point.  In that boy/girl hook up with texts segment - how did the boy text the girl to tell her he had her phone, when he had her phone????......it just wasn't covered satisfactorily.

shut your pie hole Kenny

Today I watched a whole hour and a half of men's gymnastics.  I didn't even care that there were no Australians in it.  Before that it was another hour or so of men's synchronised diving.  What the.....?  I didn't even know that was a sport.  Well in the Caribbean they do -  it's all over the one and only Caribbean channel that telecasts the games.  I spotted a small group of people watching more synchronised diving in a beach bar a couple of days ago as well.  No Aussie's in today's event of course, it means you're forced to go for the Mexicans....they came second - "Go Mehico".  I only go for them so I can say "Mehico".

Seriously - who knew this was a sport?

Whenever I'm outside Australia I do find myself often becoming overly patriotic.  For god's sake I used to wear an Australian flag bikini out and about (I'm going red just thinking about it).  But I'm not alone.  Just look at the Australians draped in flags standing on at hill in Turkey at 5am shouting "Oi Oi Oi", when ANZAC Day to them previously meant unrestrained biscuit eating and the day off work.  I myself, patriotically shed a little tear when the woman's relay team "brought the gold home" with their "stunning victory".  I'd never even spared a single thought for any of those women previously, but now I'm bawling over them, and honestly believe I share their joy.

Ah girls, you melt the heart

Australians are a fickle lot.  Let the home crowd down in any way, and immediately your name is dirt.  It has to be gold all the way - Emily Seebohm is going to get no love for the crappy bit of silver she got after losing Australia's her gold.  Liesel Jones becomes another chubby loser, and Stephanie Rice is of course the slutty bigot we always knew she was.  Meanwhile Nick D'Arcy lost hope of redeeming himself to golden boy status, and is just another thug.  And a loser.  Don't forget loser.  However if it had gone the other way for any of the poor, once loved bastards, it would have been "Our" Emily and "good old D'Arcy - he's such a loveable rogue".  All would have been forgiven, Nick would have been able to job Robert De Castella, Liesel would have got sponsorship from Tim Tams, while "fun loving Steph" would have been able to flash her snatch to her hearts content.

All the disbelief in the world isn't gunna get you the gold bitch

Now if I could just find my last white Tim Tam

So you look hot? It's no gold medal love

D'Arcy and Monk - doing it for the kids 

There's also another Olympic effect.  I may be alone here but after seeing all those unbelievable bodies parading around in their speedos and tight pants, I'm always like "Right! I am putting on my gear and getting out on that god dam road for a run dam it".  It's never successful.  I've caught sight of myself jogging before and it's not pretty.  Shoulders hunched, shuffling feet, strangely high swinging arms, a sticking out chin and a puce red complexion.  I've avoided exercise of late.  Forget all the other factors like laziness and a preference to eating cake, I've been scarred.  Last year, Chalks and I did 3 months of training in this sticky, humid, hilly place and then ran a marathon in Switzerland 2 weeks after we left.  It wasn't my first one either - so you think I would have learnt from the first 42km run I did in Tokyo in 2008.  That one left me unable to walk for three days.  Couldn't bend my legs - they were stuck straight.  It was actually humorous......

Cordi by a hair.......

After my first marathon experience, I became pregnant soon after.  Ending up a rather large unit I told myself that one day I would run another one. It's ok to deceive yourself when you're very fat.   My own father thought this was a great joke and declared that it would never happen - "the first one was a fluke" he would taunt - I was dreaming in his humble opinion.   That was all the motivation I needed.  I decided then and there that I would run another one.....eventually....after I finished my family pack of M&Ms.  Anyway, two years later (I had a lot of chocolate to get through first), when I hobbled across that finish line in Lausanne, I looked forward to calling him and saying "Hahaha".  When I think about it, I do find it a little strange and a unusual aspect of my character, that I would put myself through months of hellish training in 35 degrees and 90% humidity, running up to 90 kilometres a week, and then fly to Switzerland where I proceeded to drag my punished body 42km around a lake, every fibre of my being begging me to stop, just so I could say to my Dad "I told you so".  Hmmmm could be one for the therapist's couch.

The medal is gold bitches - gold!

But of course I wouldn't do it unless I got some other kind of pay off.  There is something satisfying in completing a task so daunting and unimaginable to yourself just a short time beforehand.  I literally ran so much before the marathon that I wore my heels down and deflated the air right out of my Nike Airs.  Unable to buy a new pair until we left the Caribbean, I created a new style of Nike.  Nike Papers.  This is where I stuffed the soles with newspaper and glue.  Not really imagining they will take off, but I guess it's all in the marketing.....

It's only natural that seeing incredible feats of sporting achievement everyday would make me reminisce about my former sporting "Glory" and I do use that word very very loosely.  I am way off even considering running another one.  There's too much dedication involved.  I'm much more dedicated to watching sport on TV at the moment.  You experience all the challenges, the highs, the lows, the desperation, the triumph - all without cracking a sweat....Go Aussie, and do I dare bring the bogan?....well it is the Olympics, surely that is classifies as a special occassion......here I go....forgive me.......OI OI OI!!!!!!!!  (I'm so sorry everyone, I've never done that before.......fuck, I may as well put LOL on the end to top it off)........