Food glorious food

There are a few things concerning food that annoy me.  One; people that call themselves "foodies".  Two; photos of plates of food posted on facebook - honestly, who cares what you're about to chow down on? Show me a picture of your poo the next day and I'll be more impressed.  And three; the word "scrummy".

No matter how you style it

Anyway, if you're a "foodie" who can't wait to post some pics of your scrummy meal you're about to devour into cyberspace, I wouldn't come to Bequia.  In fact, I'd probably give the entire Caribbean region a wide berth unless you're idea of a sublime munchout is rice and beans (they just don't come out well in holiday snaps no matter how much you photoshop them).

Some people see insect.  I see yesterday's lunch

Bequia is not exactly an epicentre for fine dining.  How could it be.  There's no shops to buy anything.  You could try your luck at Knights Supermarket, but only if you feel like whipping up a batch of weevil surprise.  You can actual see them squirming around in the "sealed" packets of dry goods on the shelves sometimes.  Last year I didn't realise you had to sift the flour to check for the revolting little critters and whipped up a batch of weevil pikelets for the girls.  Apparently your stomach acids kill them, otherwise we are all playing host to a supercity of bugs and their wiggling offspring.  I read an article the other day about how insects are the food of the future.  The article included a recipe for worm-meal quiche and showed various skewered scorpions awaiting Chinese munchers.  Even if so, I would prefer to make the decision myself rather than find a few carcases in my leftovers.

Get 'em while they're hot

Wow - curried goat scrubs up worse than rice and beans

Apart from being filled with bugs, there also isn't much food variety here.  Let's face it, if you're looking for organic udon noodles, or almond milk you're going to be searching those dusty shelves for an eternity.  On the other hand if you want to whip up a goat stew, well buy up and get simmering.  There is an interesting item that often appears on menu boards in this region.  "Goat Water".  Are you tempted?  Don't be, it's just the left over water after you take out your boiled goat.  Curious about "Mannish Water"? Order only if you enjoy the water that remains after boiling goat organs.  It's all about goats and their inners around here people.  How much meat are on those hoofed beasts though?  They look kind of wiry to me. I guess that's why they drink their organ water.

Mannish water anyone?....anyone?

Just not that appetising

But it's not all organ water and weevils. There is a specialty shop here that sells a variety of imported goods.  Doris does jack up her prices though, so you better be really committed to getting your Hershey's Kisses.  I'm sure she does a roaring trade during peak season, but come summertime, and the shit just sits there, and sits there.  In fact some of those blocks of brie look like they've been around since Princess Margaret got off her gear and then got on the gear in the 70s.  I've shelled out a fortune before for a block of Lindt to discover it's got that white coating and a mangled shape due to many hours in the hot sun before it re-solidifies into pictured blob.

My advice is to avoid goat by-products and go nuts on the fruit and vegetables.  To be honest there isn't a great variety here either.  Don't hold out for anything rather than basic salad, mangos pineapples and bananas and you'll be loving it.  It's all organic too.  Not because the locals give a shit, they just can't afford pesticides.  Good for us.  Just wash it well.....again with the bug eating - this time slugs. There are also a variety of tropical fruits I'd never tasted until I moved here.

mmmm sour sop

tastes far far better than it looks

My particular favourite is a spiky green fruit with the unappealing name "soursop".  Cut it open and there lies it's delicious white flesh - sort of a cross between a fruit tingle and ice cream.  I've been putting it away like it was about to go into extinction when I found out a few other uses for it.  #1 A cancer fighter.  This spiky bastard packs some serious cancer fighting punch. http://www.theultimateveganguide.com/home/the-benefits-of-soursop
And #2, It's leaves can be boiled up and used as a sedative.  All the locals sedate their babies with it.  Even though I was brought up on a diet of phenergan mixed with that rosehip syrup shit as a child, I decided (perhaps unwisely on reflection) not to go down that child-drugging path.  Sedating kids went out with giving them a good thrashing (the question remains; are we better off?).

I therefore decided to try it out on myself a couple of nights ago.  The tea itself was actually quite tasty, and although I didn't exact find myself nodding off mid sentence like I expected, I definitely hit the sack earlier and didn't lie awake thinking about how I should style my hair at my 2013 wedding.  I first stirred about an hour later than normal to find a child sitting on my head.  I could barely open my droopy eyes.  My bladder was so full that if I'd slept on just 5 mins longer I probably would have had a regression back to unfortunate days when I had a bed wetting issue and Sophie Francis's mum put a plastic sheet on my mattress when I slept over......the shame.......Did  the leaves work?  I believe so.  Will I drug the girls? The question should be - Should I ever keep them undrugged?

A truly beautiful sight

Where's me bloody dog?

So, there may be a noticeable lack of bakeries, cafes and other places that churn out yummy treats.  However, if you plan on drinking your way through more grog than a uni dorm party on NYE, then Bequia is the place for you.  I've never seen cheaper booze in my life.  Bottles of Grey Goose Vodka for less than 20 bucks.  More rum than you can drown an alcoholic pirate in for $1.50, and rare bottles of New Zealand chardonnay for 15 smackaroos.  It's a boozers paradise.  And lets face it, if you're pissed all time you won't even notice the weevils or how bad the mannish water tastes.
Cheers.

Drink up