Up Up……..And Delayed…...

Jump little Lambies

Making the most of it

That's the thing about paradise - you just can't stay there forever (unless you're dead of course, and provided you make it in the first place……honestly, not convinced on my own behalf…..).  But I'm talking here about paradise on earth of course, and if you stayed in this glorious place forever it wouldn't even be paradise anymore.  But having the Caribbean waters on your front doorstep, being warm all the time, and just walking a few steps and slipping into the sea on an almost empty beach at your leisure, is something you could possibly never take for granted.  What a luscious life.  And now for some photos to make you all rock in the corner in your ugg boots and fleecy hoodies.

Balcony view

Sunset swims

Warning: Bathers shot

As clear as bath water

Beachside pad

Ahhhhhhhh

See, told you.  It's almost disgusting.  Now go and pour hot chocolate in your eyeballs and burn the image of me frolicking in my bathers out of your mind forever.  Just don't make it a Max Brenner hot chocolate.  If you're boycotting Israel, Max is the first to get slammed (shame - their hot chocolates are unbelievable).  But might I suggest instead to piff out your iPhone's if you're really serious about sticking it to Israel - a lot of the chips were developed in Israel.  What? Too inconvenient???? How about your computers then - many of the central components are Israeli designed ……come on, think about those total Israel-loving Intel bastards and heave that politically incorrect essential technology.  Shit! I mentioned the war - so didn't plan to this update, but what can I say?  I live and breathe it these days, and will continue to do so long after so many people stop giving a fuck what is happening here and focus instead on the 12 000 Syrian kids that have been killed and tortured, or the rape and murder of Christian girls by Boko Haram (by the way, the name of this Islamic fundamentalist group translates as "Western Education Is Forbidden") in Nigeria, or how about the extermination of the Yazdi (non Muslim Kurds) by ISIS in Iraq.  That last example is actual genocide of an ancient ethnic group that predates Islam.  That's if anybody cares to the same extent that they care about the civilians in Gaza (I'm not saying you shouldn't care, I'm just wondering why the focus over humanitarian concerns doesn't extend beyond this in many cases).  Where are the street rallies??  I'm yet to see one FB post about any of these other atrocities which are happening simultaneously with the conflict between Israel and Hamas - actually I have seen one post about the Yazdi, by a friend of mine who is one of the only people I know who is consistent with her conscious.   (WOW, what a first class bitch I've become over this…...really, I surprise myself).

Dogs.  Delicious Over-processed Dogs.

It was time to go home.  We had extended, and extended and extended our tickets - it was costing us a fortune.  We arrived in New York, sucked it up and locked in our homecoming dates.  But not before prancing around the greatest city in the world for a few days.  The end of summer sales - what can I say except "pass me the credit card baby, I am off to do some serious damage".  There's just so much choice, it can be overwhelming.  How do you decide - between the thousands of cool shops - where to buy your black skinny jeans, or where to get a shoulder bag?  I'll tell you how to do it.  Pre-planning and research.  When your time is limited you must be focused and prepared.  Don't just wander - if it's specific loot you are after, you must put in the ground work.  You need items of interest, shop names, addresses and googlemaps on your iPhone. Commit yourself 100%, you must tackle the mission head on and take no prisoners.  Never forget that it is not fun.  Not one bit.  It is an exhausting shit fight in the depths of the darkest festering swamps in the most desolate places on earth.  Just pushing your way through the surging crowds is a trip to hell and back.  But whatever you do - don't forget to drink water.  Throwing cash in the air is seriously dehydrating.  Ok, it's really one of the greatest experiences ever - I'm just creating an atmosphere here people, is it working?

Thanks Sue! You make it all possible.

Bloomingdale's!

An Apple in the Big Apple

Scooting in the park

Scooters are GREAT in the city (thanks Jodie and Simon)!

Sweeties for a Sweetie

But you can see this overload of choice and the effects it can have on children most of all.  We took Vali and Cordi to FAO Schwartz - arguably one of the greatest toy shops around - and told them they could choose 1 small toy each.  At first they were running around absolutely screeching their heads off with joy.  Seriously, those screams were piercing.  But then the stress through too much choice kicked in.  Vali had an hysterical breakdown and was weeping "I can't choose, please choose for me Mumma pleeeeeeaaasssseeee".  We had to bundle them out of there.  She really hit the skids.   It was too much.  Apparently this kind of depression, caused by over choice, is a real syndrome and particular to first world countries.  You just don't get the same rates of depression in poorer countries were choice is limited, or non existent.  Interesting.  Decision making is hard, you have to admit it.

Just before the crack-up.  Vali on the edge.

Saaaaaaaavvvveeee us

But at last the day of departure rolled round.  Happily for us, a 3 day cease fire was announced and unlike all the other ones, it appeared to be holding.  We were highly optimistic.  We boarded our flight at 11pm and prepared ourselves for the 7 hours overnight to Madrid.  No sooner were we up in the air with our eye masks on when I was shaken hard by the air hostess, who announced that I had to get my seat back into landing position as we were going back to New York.  Apparently we had a major issue with the hydraulic system (wheels, doors, brakes) that made it necessary to go immediately back to JFK.  The landing was a bit rough, but what was more disturbing was the EIGHT firetrucks zooming down the runway to meet us.  They surrounded the plane.  We were all told to stay in our seats and not move.  Toilet stops were not permitted which was unfortunate.  I seem to be always busting for the toilet in the most inappropriate situations.  They couldn't drive the plane to the gate, so we had to wait for someone to come and tow us.  This took 4 hours.  FOUR hours.

At one stage, some alarm went off, and a man shouted "That's the fire alarm, that's the fire alarm".  Then some idiot woman behind me started screaming "The floor is HOT, the floor is HOT".  Panic filtered through the cabin.  Everyone started getting their shoes on and preparing to flee (which would have been hard as they couldn't get the doors open at that stage).  The crew started rushing to the front of the plane imploring everybody to sit down.  There was an unpleasant chemical smell, and all I could think of was "Noooooo not in the luggage area - my new mini over-the-shoulder red pilot bag - I haven't even used it once".  My husband and children were all asleep through this unnerving incident - although my husband remembers just wishing the beeping noise would shut the fuck up.  I just wished the woman behind me would shut the fuck up.  She had one of those annoying loud voices and apart from scaring the shit out of the entire plane for no reason, she was complaining like she was the only one being affected by all the crap going on.  This complaining from the same irritating bitch also went on and on once we all got off the plane and had to hang around at the gate for an hour to find out what was going on.  I was extremely close to marching up to her and telling her to give it a bone, but couldn't be bothered hauling Vali across the waiting area (well……maybe a bit too gutless too - I save my bitch-like behaviour for the internet where nobody can punch me).

Nobody burns my baby.

Basically they had to put us up in a hotel for the night, and it was unlikely that any of us would fly until tomorrow night - and then it would only be a select few.  Unfortunate.  After baggage collecting (EXTREMELY difficult with two sleeping 20kg sacks of potatoes in your arms) and more waiting around outside (45mins), my husband and I thought our arms were going to snap off.  We argued our way onto the first bus - a 7 seater sent to retrieve 120 people - and got dropped off at the shittiest airport hotel known to man.  It was 5am and we were absolutely buggered.  And of course both our daughters woke up the second we gently deposited them onto one of the two tiny beds.  I cared not an inch.  Earplugs in, and it was off to slumberland - I basically didn't give a shit what they had planned for their early morning activity session.  They could have painted me in Dior BB Cream, I wouldn't have flinched.  Amazingly we were awoken by a phone call to tell us we were on the 5pm flight.  Good.  So off we went (kept everyone waiting as we were last on the bus and got a few dirties from our fellow Spanish passengers).  And at last we were settled in for "Take Two".  This time it was all systems go.  As we prepared to crank it up down the runway, suddenly there was an announcement "Ladies and Gentleman, we appear to have an engine leak, I'm afraid we cannot take off at this time".  I know.  Absolutely unbelievable.  After 2 hours wait, we anticipated that we were going to be offloaded again.  But miracle of miracles, they announced that it was fixed and we were ready for take off.  Are you sure dudes?  Are you sure?  I don't want some engine failure mid flight, like what happened when we flying over Africa last October.

So again, the power up starts off and we head for that runway…….when……."Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm so sorry but a passenger is leaving the plane, we have to delay our take off once again".  You have absolutely got to be shitting me.  Half an hour later and four cops boarded the plane and escorted some dude off.  He seemed to be going peacefully, there were no handcuffs or anything.  But the major bummer was that we had to wait yet another hour and a half while they retrieved his luggage.  It wasn't a great thing. The kids were wide awake this time around and absolutely spewing they couldn't watch movies.  Hungry too, and that's never a trip to the land of good times.  I also hadn't eaten a thing all day, or the night before, and I honestly felt like I was going to faint.  Fuck Iberia.  What a shit shit airline.  The tickets were cheap, and I guess you get what you pay for.

Don't do it to yourselves…...

But of course, at long long last we made it to Madrid, quickly transferred, and boarded our flight for Tel Aviv.  I can't deny I had a few moments of crossing all my fingers and toes as we approached the coast from the Mediterranean Sea.  The day was clear, and we came in from the north.  The plane landed without issue, and applause broke out.  From us as well.  Landing safely home this time around was one of the best arrivals I have ever had.  We were lucky too.  After the ceasefire ended the next morning, and Hamas started sending rockets into the south of Israel again, the airport was closed the next day for an hour or so - it was enough time to disrupt 19 flights.

Israel from the air

As we disembarked the aircraft, immediately there was a large white and green sign that said "Shelter" with an arrow.  There weren't many people in the lines coming through immigration which is unusual.  Billboards have been replaced with signs that say "Support Our Troups" and peppy songs on the radio are interrupted to give updates on the situation in the south.  The city seems quieter and the beaches are devoid of the crowds of pre-summer.  I guess no-one really feels like having a good time.  My neighbour told me that it hasn't been a big deal, but then added that a bit of one of the intercepted rockets had landed in our street.  This is why you have to stay in the bomb shelter for 10 minutes after you hear (and feel) the "boom', because you could get hit by pieces of missiles .  But despite our fears, worries and sorrows about the whole bloody mess, it feels so good to be back.

At last.