Ouch! That last blog ruffled a few feathers. I would like to warn everyone that remarks on large Brazilians arses are now strictly off limits (See the 2nd comment on my last blog). Apparently I now have a lifetime ban from the country, enforced by a woman called Viviane. Next time I visit, I wonder if I will be detained and tortured until I admit that Brazilians are hot. Ok you're all gorgeous - I take it all back. And slim, so very very slim. Yet, strong......and of course confident. And waxed, extremely devoid of body hair. Not to mention a diverse mix of amazing people, who do NOT eat cheese bread for breakfast. Not even a tiny bite. And I myself, am a shit, ugly, jealous tourist. And now some final advice from me to make all those hurtful words go away - go and have a wank on the couch while listening to Christina Anguilera's "Beautiful". There you go, doesn't that feel better.....
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| Cause you are beautiful, no matter what I say...... |
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| Dreamy |
Now back to the real world. We grew tired of the rampant tourist trap that is Copacabana Beach, and decided to leave it behind and go up behind the beach front to the forested hills of Rio - to an area called Santa Teresa. It was brilliant. It had that crumbling overgrown feel, broken pavements, heaps of street art, cafes a plenty, art galleries and a youthful Bohemian, yet hip vibe. The air smelt like gas and garlic, and occasionally garbage. Santa Teresa is a neighbourhood that sprang up around the Santa Teresa convent in 1750. In the late 19th and early 20th century it was a hotspot for the wealthy and their giant mansions. Some are still there, some are burnt out, some are crumbling. Whatever, the effect is beautiful. This area, much more than the beach, made me want to spend heaps of time in Rio. It felt real. And far less touristy. Which is always a bonus. As I often declare, I hate my own kind.
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| Street trinkets |
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| Santa Teresa - surrounded by favelas |
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| Lushness |
We stayed in a hotel, which was pretty much the only one in the area. It was completely gorgeous - tranquil and relaxing. Lush greenery, and massive amounts of beautiful wooden furniture and fittings inside. That is one thing you really notice where ever you go here, all the use of the most incredible wood. Evicting those pesky Indians from the Amazon in totally worth it when you get to surround yourself in the forest itself. Keep on clearing and making those wooden chests is all I've got to say.
One thing the hotel brochure forgot to mention was the 3am night raid that happened in July 2011 where 15 hotel guests got held up at gun point and robbed. Apparently they scaled the walls, cut the wires to the security cameras and remained terrifying guests for an hour and a half. Comforting. Of course the poor people from the surrounding
favelas were the target of blame, until one of the staff recognised her masked co-worker on the security tapes while he was pocketing some diamonds with a gun in someone's face. It's always an inside job.
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| Naughty naughty |
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| Deforestation at it's most attractive - lets face it, it beats toilet paper and chopsticks |
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| Street walkers |
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| All aboard |
One of the things we heard a lot about, and looked forward to riding was the famous Santa Teresa Streetcar. On all the "Things To Do In Rio" sites, we were advised - "Do like a local and jump on board this yellow delight". Well we saw the tram tracks winding up and down the hills, we even saw the tram immortalised in a street mural. But where was the beast itself? Upon further research I learnt that in August 2011, the tram lost control on a downwards slope and was completely smashed apart after it ploughed into a lamp post. Jeeze - winter of 2011 was big year for Santa Teresa, and not in a good way. In this case though, it was tragically fatal. Eye witnesses say that the brakes appeared to fail and the streetcar lost it and derailed killing 5 people including the conductor, and injuring 27. Nasty. That would explain why it's no longer running. Although apparently, I heard that they are fixing the brakes and loading it back into circulation sometime in the next couple of years. And yet.....I'm not convinced. Apparently Old Yeller was over 50 years old and filled to 60% above it's capacity - I guess safety regulations weren't exactly tight. Especially considering some French guy plunged to his death when the streetcar crossed a bridge 2 months beforehand. I think I'll give that one the wide berth next time around. If there is a next time around that is.....Also I think some websites really need to update their information before encouraging visitors to make like a local and hang off the back of a non functioning death trap.
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| In happier days |
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| Horrible |
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| Outside the festival gates |
A place we had really wanted to check out this trip was the far north east of the country. Apparently it's incredibly beautiful and has it's own distinct culture. This was not to be. There was no way we could drive that far. It would take days and days. You don't realise how unbelievably large a country it is until you're trying to explore it. Almost as big as the States, and it just beats Australia in size. It's bloody huge. So we did the next best thing.......or not......We visited the
Feira Nordestina - a sort of market for people from the north east of Brazil - showcasing their culture in a giant hall in Rio. This place promised a taste of the north - but honestly if that's true....well let's put it this way - it got stuck in my throat. I'm almost to scared to write anything negative again in case Viviane rips me another new arsehole....but here we go..... This is what I saw. Crappy goods, manky food, heaps of alcohol spilt all over make-shift bars - i.e. tables, other dark bars which stunk of vomit and alcohol and a dance floor filled with what looked like prostitutes rubbing up against inebriated men that seemed to be sleep dancing. It was 11am on a Sunday. OK so they'd been awake all night and possibly drinking since Friday night. I get it. And lets face it, after an all weekend bender, who is looking pretty on a Sunday morning? I'm sure not, and that's on a full night sleep and piles of foundation. Maybe I'm just out of touch as to what constitutes a good time (very likely). But..... it wasn't the place to really bring the kids for brunch. Or ourselves really. We didn't stay long. Unmoved.
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| Just before Chalky electrocuted himself with a toy "shock penis" |
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| I'm sure this guy wasn't the only one here with crabs |
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| Speaking of unmoved |
As we watched the last sunset sink below the incredible city of Rio de Janeiro, we tried to mentally prepare ourselves for leaving the actual jungle for the urban jungle of New York City. It was going to be a rough transition. It has been just a small sample of what was an incredible three weeks in a stunning country. I loved it, and cannot wait to get to know it better.
Despite the giant arses in my face day and night..........
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