Keeping abreast of it

As I was boarding my fight from Sydney to Melbourne a month or so ago, I was shocked to see a woman sitting in the aisle seat with her top off.  She looked exotic, so I was about to advise her that that just wasn't done in Australia, when I spotted the two little monkeys snuggling on her chest.  I say monkeys, because they actually did look like monkeys.  It's not uncommon.  Valli once resembled a baby orangutan, and my friends niece's nickname is "Chimpy".   Well hats off to her I guess.  I never really got into the double feed job in public.  I always thought it would involved taking your top completely off.  And apparently, it does.
I think I was so surprised at Tits Out Tuesday on the plane because I realised that in the last five weeks, and, once I came to think about it, in all my years in Japan, I had never seen a women breastfeeding in  public.  Never.  And it's not like there are no babies there.  That country has a population of 126 million.  I decided to investigate.

Apparently it's just not culturally acceptable (that lame excuse).  Japanese women rarely breastfeed in the ever watchful public eye, so there are a lot of "special rooms" provided in department stores and train stations for feeding. I was interested to read some of the responses on a forum discussing public breastfeeding in Japan.

 "its not... right. If you wouldn't expose yourself without out a baby, you shouldn't expose your self with one"

"i think you'll get discusted looks ANYWHERE no offense, but it's just not something you should do in public anywhere" (you also get "discusted" looks when you can't spell "discusted" Kate).

" i don't like babys crying in public, i dont like babys that much (see, it's not a stereotype, ignorant fucks can't spell and are therefore stupid, and apparently also mean) i think a mother should know it's rude not to keep her child calm." (however, according to this sensitive soul, breastfeeding should be done at home....so, I don't know how you keep a hungry baby calm....suffocation?).

Times sure have changed though.  According to good old Wikipedia, traditionally in Japan, weaning was often late, with breastfeeding in some cases continuing until early adolescence.  Hmmm, I wonder how that would go down on a train platform in peak hour.

This photo was removed from Facebook for being offensive

However, I knew the Americans were completely fucked up over this issue.  A friend of mine was harassed by a women when she breastfed her baby in a US restaurant.  Apparently the sight of a woman's breast was something so horrific, that  my friend was psychologically damaging the mental case's twelve year old son.  A scuffle broke out and my friend and her family were asked to leave the restaurant.  While trying to get out in a hurry, her husband accidentally upended the table.  That didn't go down well. I think they were lucky to get out without an arrest.  They're pretty trigger happy on the arrest over there.  Particularly for public disturbance.    However, on further investigation, it appears that breastfeeding in public is legal in all fifty states.  Yet, it still seems to be frowned upon publicly, and covering up is often expected.  According to many people this uncomfortable attitude to breastfeeding is due to the highly sexualised nature of the female breast.  Let me assure those people though, there is nothing sexy about your knockers when you're feeding a baby with them.  That actually could be the heart of the problem.  Those bloody babies even ruin boob imagery forever.

Cow and Gate are a baby milk and food company

A UK Department of Health survey found that 84% find breastfeeding in public acceptable if done discreetly; however, 67% mothers are worried about general opinion being against public breastfeeding.  This is surprising to me.  I honestly thought it was "get them out day or night", after I once saw a woman strolling in the streets of London feeding her baby.  I was impressed at her co-ordination.  Who knew you could shop, talk on your mobile, and feed your baby simultaneously.  Something to aspire to.

How beautiful...now where's the curdled puke all over her yellow frock?

I must admit though, as my first overseas breastfeeding experience was to be in a Muslim country,  I was uneasy.  Terrified a flash of my nipple might result in a public shaming (or worse), I carried a huge cotton scarf at all times and would make a kind of tent, while practicing my good old trusty "no eye contact" rule.  I had to bring this into play as soon as we arrived at the Marrakesh airport.  Chalks was on his way into the city to deal with car rental issues, and my sister and I sat in an open cafe at the airport, trying to act casual, while I was completely encased in a scarf, and surrounded by staring men.  Little did I know that breastfeeding is celebrated there, and the starers were patiently waiting for me to finish so that they could say "Cuckoo! Cuckoo!" and snap their fingers in the girl's faces.  Moroccans love a baby.  Also, according to the Koran, any breast feeder is headed straight for paradise, so they probably wanted to congratulate me on the good news.

My dear scarfy 

I did love that scarf though.  It was my best friend for months.  Even on the plane I could actually use my battery powered breast pump under old cotton stripy.  The noise of the engines meant I could go undetected as long as I sat in a window seat.  The most unusual place I pumped, was in the toilets on the Jordon/Israeli border.  It was a 'pump and dump' effort though, as the girls were sitting pretty in Tel Aviv with their Daddy.  My sister and I had taken a day trip to Petra, there was no way I could wait until midnight to relieve that kind of pressure..  When I came out of the toilet there was an old Jordanian woman staring at me in confusion.  I tried to do a little mime of what that strange noise coming from the toilet stall had been.  I've never seen anyone look more disturbed before.  She actually ran out when I produced the apparatus.  I was scared she'd gone for the police, and as I crossed into Jordon and saw a truck with a giant machine gun mounted on the roof pointed directly at me, I wished I'd checked the rule book.

The Kormans and the Corn Man in Marrakesh

If you're travelling to countries with young babies where you can't trust the water, and therefore can't make any formula as back up, things can be a little stressful.  Especially if you struggle with supply.....and have two babies.  Then, the actual stress of worrying you can't feed your children affects your supply.  It' s a self-fulfilling prophecy of worry.  However, if you don't mind being awake most of the night and feeding the poor starving little buggers you'll be just fine.  I did mind.  But I coped. As you do.

Morocco was amazing.  However, I have bad memories associated with the place (and I'm not just referring to the almost near canyon plummet I discussed last week).  I'd like to go back there when I'm not dealing with early motherhood.  I think three months old, was just too young for a Moroccan Twin Travelling adventure in retrospect.  But, as we were leaving the country I saw a young dreadlocked mother in front of me with a baby that looked less than a month old.  "How was it I" asked (all pale, eye-bagged, grey-haired, and dehydrated).  "Such an incredibly spiritual adventure" she replied, all happy and fresh.  I decked her........I hate those happy, well rested types that cope with ease.

Stressful...just so stressful....help me

Carrying either breast milk or sterilised water (for formula mixing) through airports differs in various counties.  In the States they test each bottle carefully with little strips.  In Japan they unscrew the lid and then kind of waft it many times into their faces.  But, in the UK, I was actually made to sip my own breast milk at security.  This is how the cockney security guard explained it to me....
"Alright luv?  Now we make you sip it, not your littlel'n, because if that stuff in there, is for blowing up the plane right, then you won't mind poisoning 'em now yeah.  Know what I'm saying luv yeah?...If you're goin' to blow your kiddies into a million bloody pieces anyway, who cares if they drink poison now right, yeah? But you're not going to want to poison yourself now, because you need to stay alive get the job done right?  Nuff said yeah? Know what I'm saying?"
Not in any way mate, just give me the bloody bottle....ahhhh, nothing like sipping your own warm bosom juices in a crowded airport when you're running late for aircraft boarding.

So there we go.  Breastfeeding is universally accepted activity, so get with the program and shun the non believer.  If you want to stand firm, and can be bothered defending yourself against a few ridiculous people, then get those boobs out, right out.  However, if you want to fly under the radar - and are prepared to sacrifice your true belief that boobs on display rule, just be a gutless wimp like me, and employ a large soft scarf.  It can double as a sling, a stroller cover against light or sun, a warm blanket, a rug, a hijab - in case you wander into a ultra religious area and are facing a stoning, or a temporary vessel for slagging a mouthful of your own breast milk into.....Lets celebrate! It's Tits Out Tuesday everyday of the week....

Those chubby cheeks didn't come from nowhere....