Sadness, Celebration and Servants

I recently heard that blue icing can give you electric blue poo

Naturally I'm behind the mark this post - but my constant life necessity is the phrase 'better late than never'.  You have to wonder though, can it always be applied?  I guess not in the situation of someone drowning, and you rushing back with a life-ring just as they sink to the bottom.  It's best nobody ever knows there was a life-ring on hand in the first place in that instance.  However, I would say with presents - yes in all situations.  I would rather get a gift 6 months after my birthday than not at all. Unless it's a shit gift, and in that case give to someone else.   And with blog posts.....? - well it's touch and go, some maybe think "Yes, write it long after the point of interest, you're so cool and funny Emily"; but the majority may think 'Don't bother dude, in fact fuck off completely would you....."  Harsh - but I guess that's your prerogative.

Ye olde olden days

So I've been milling this latest entry over for a while - a post about Yom Ha'Atzmaut (Israel Independence Day).  I feel a trip back into the history files is necessary to explain just how it all came about.  It is interesting for sure, but complicated - and worse, it's not particularly amusing.  Especially for the Arabs.  In fact Yom Ha'Atzmaut is known as The Nakba - translation: The Catastrophe.  Fair call really.  The good times didn't really start there I guess.  But would they have started well otherwise?  This area was part of the Ottoman Empire until the first world war, and then it was divided in Syria, Lebanon, Transjordan, Iraq and Palestine.  And let's face it - shit is super bad in all the other countries right now - to give the understatement of the year - 'Oh yes, they're not exactly a jolly bunch of folks are they? Tallyho!' - with the exception of Jordan, as the King made some airtight agreements with the United States during the dividing up, and also with Israel down the track.

I don't know where or when, but it looks fucken cool

That's the trouble when you just mark a few lines on a map and go 'I name this new country Lala-land", you forget about the pesky people.  When we crossed over the Israeli border into Jordan last month, there were lots of Palestinian and Jordanian people visiting their families who had ended up over the other side when the fences went up.  It's not easy popping over the border to ask your sister if she can babysit your kids for a few hours while you get your roots dyed.  Plus it's expensive with the border taxes, and also time consuming.  And you definitely want to make sure you've scrubbed the skids off your daks on the way home, as the Israeli customs officers take out the contents of your entire bag in front of the entire immigration office, and test it all for explosive materials. 

Just some light reading on these here rocks

But back to Israel's 67th birthday.  Partitioning Israel wasn't just a case of bringing in all the Jews in 1948, drawing the lines, and the Jews kicking out the Arabs.  It's funny, because the way that many people talk about Israel, it seems this misconception is fairly popular.  For a start, the concept of establishing a homeland for Jewish people - where they could be free from persecution so they wouldn't get murdered by the millions - was tossed around in the 1800s, when the idea of Zionism was introduced.  Of course this part of the world was the obvious choice considering it was their homeland of origin.  Jerusalem, and a desire to return to the Holyland was, and still is, in the prayers of the people, repeated daily for thousands of years.  Interestingly though, when it became a serious consideration in the 1900s, the World Powers actually thought about setting up the homeland for Jews in The Kimberleys! (In Northern Australia). Also Uganda was also a possible option at the time.  Imagine that - the mining companies and the Australian government could be kicking the Jews out right now instead of hounding the Indigenous Australians out of their homes.

Nice Fez dude

Best headwear ever

Having a fish

I'll just pose over this ancient tomb

A dollar per km dude?

In the late 1800s there had been increased Jewish immigration into the Middle East (where very few numbers of Jews already lived), and it continued in the early 1900s.  Jews being the kind of people they are, brought with them innovative techniques in farming this crazy desert land - the increased arability of the land saw widespread immigration into the area from both Jews and Arabs.  The presence of the Jews started pissing off the local farmers, as the Jewish farmers would buy land to farm from the wealthy Arab landowners - who had poor Arabs farming that particular land, and thus they were subsequently out on their arses, while their former landlords counted their gold.  So the trouble between the Jews and The Arabs started long before the state of Israel was partitioned by the UN.  And many might say - well, the trouble between the Jews and Arabs has been going on a lot longer that that - try thousands of years.  It is truly a tribal conflict - which is hard to understand for a whitey.

Anti-Jewish terrorist groups actually started in the 1930s.  There were a few bombings as well.  I guess those Arabs sensed what what coming - partly I guess to the Balfour Agreement of 1917 which had been drawn up by the British, who had full control of the region after the Turks were defeated in WW1.  This agreement outlined the plans for a Jewish homeland here, until the kaibosh was put on it (again by the Poms), only for it to be resurrected as a viable option for what to do after the widespread murder throughout Europe by those charming Nazi's during WW2.

Pretty incredible photo really

And then in 1948, Israel and Palestine were officially partitioned by the UN, and Israel became a country.  The Jews were stoked, the Arabs less so.  Three days later the Arabs went bananas, and Israel was attacked by all the surrounding Arab countries - Syria, Jordan, Egypt, Lebanon and Palestine.  That made a total of 43 million Arabs against 600 000 Jews.  Against all odds the Jews won, expanded their acquisition of land from 56% of the total land mass, to 77%, and secured their borders. This left Israel with a state and Palestine without one. This creation of Israel, plus the following war and further expansion of the borders, is what saw the displacement of about 700 000 Palestinians who either fled, or were driven off the land into the surrounding Arab countries.  However, at the same time, 850 000 Jews were expelled from, or left the surrounding Arab lands (mainly Yemen), and came to Israel.  The difference is that the Jewish flee-ers were given citizenship immediately in Israel, while the Palestinians were treated as refugees, and were not given citizenship in any of the other countries (and still have not to this day - hence their continued status as refugees; as well as their offspring, who due to special refugee status are also considered refugees).  Many descents still live in refugee camps in Jordan, Syria and Lebanon, which have by now become cities, and now 7 million claim right of return to their lands of their ancestors.

Fighting in Jerusalem 1948

Israel was however, the only country to give Palestinians citizenship.  I'm not dumb enough to say that life is totally swell here for the Palestinians in Israel, they are basically a minority in what was once the lands of their ancestors.  But compared to the hell that is going on in Syria and Iraq, life in Israel doesn't exactly suck.  They have equal citizen rights (officially speaking), they have representation in the government, they work alongside Israelis in many sectors of the economy.  They can make a good living and raise their families in some kind of peace. In my opinion that kicks arse over being beheaded and having your family killed.   Of course I'm not talking about the 2.6 million people who live in Gaza or the West Bank - that is another story.  And definitely not a happy one.  Israel has had to do some truly shitful things in order to ensure the safety of it's citizens, and the Arab leaders have pissed peace deal after peace deal up against the wall.  It's always the people that suffer at the hands of the government, and this is true the world over.

Trying to get their message across

But don't look to me to make sense of the issues here.  They are far more complicated that I can even conceive. It's a troubled region so say the least.  Adding to this, is the social inequality that saw the streets of Tel Aviv erupt two nights ago, with Ethiopian Jews protesting against the shitty deal they get here.  The violence broke out in response to a young soldier of Ethiopian origin getting bashed up by the cops.  Fucking cops.  All the world over so many of them are nothing but bullies and thugs.  Anyway, this was the tipping point and scores of protesters went nutjob (blocking the streets, and smashing stuff and looting), while the cops used a significant amount of force to break them up.  Many people were injured.  I don't blame them for their anger - they are pretty low on the food chain of society, and they see nothing of the opportunity and progress that is going on here for so many. 

So sad it turned violent

Yes, it's the sun

But apart from the human misery going on around me, this is by far my favourite time in Israel. It's nice to be some. You just wonder sometimes why you got so lucky don't you?  The almond blossoms are well and truly out, the weather is warming up, and the sea gets extra sparkly.  It's blue skies now until October and there's a atmosphere of expectation and fun.  Can you imagine knowing that for the next 6 months there won't be a drop of rain?  It's incredible.  You can plan outdoor events - like a showing of your favourite water colour artwork in the park, and know that it's not going to get trashed by any pesky water droplets.  You can wear suede head to toe, gather cats together, bring out your Gremlins (faced with that shitty list of things that can't get wet, I decided to Google-search the issue and came across some disturbing articles about vaginas).  Let's now compare Israel with say, Tasmania.  Tasmania has only one climate - grey skies, intermittent drizzle, and cold wind.  It's like that all year long.  You may get some random day when it's sunny - could be spring, summer, autumn or winter (it's all the same anyway) - and the whole place erupts with unbridled joy.  People Instagram themselves sitting in the sun going 'hey everyone it's sunny", while Facebook is full of posts about how the sun came out.  My mother texts me especially to tell me that it's 17 degrees and sunny.  It's sad really.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again.  Israel may be a hotbed of violence and civil unrest, surrounded by countries that want to blow it off the face of the earth, while simultaneously being despised by the rest of the world - but it's worth it all for the climate.  I'm not lying.  It really is.

So, about a week before Israel's birthday, a couple of sombre events are commemorated.  Yom HaShoah (Holocaust Memorial Day) is marked by loud sirens throughout the country at 10am. Every single person - whether they are walking or driving or working, stops what they are doing and stands in silence (apart from the sirens) for a minute.  We were driving on the highway at 10am this year.  And all cars stopped.  The people got out and we all stood and remembered the horrors committed at the hands of the Nazi's, and the heroism of the people who survived.  It's a very powerful thing - to all experience simultaneous grief as a nation of 7 million people.  Once I asked my husband how people could go on believing and praying to God, when it was for their religion that 6 million of their people were murdered.  He replied that the Jews getting a homeland of their own after centuries of persecution and exhile, in some peoples eyes, was worth anything.

A few days after Yom HaShoah, is Yom HaZikaron (Memorial Day for the soldiers and victims of terrorism).  This a particularly heart wrenching day. Probably because so many people are still dying - on both sides.  The sirens sound again - at 8pm the night before, and 11am the morning of.  I was out walking at 11am, and I must have accidentally stood under the largest siren in the city.  It was so loud that it was physically painful.  So unfortunately during that entire minute I was only thinking about myself and how much my ears hurt, not the soldiers at all, which was pretty self centred - but I thought it was maybe unacceptable to block them with my hands.  It felt like it went on for 5 minutes.  Seriously the loudest sound around.  There's no missing the sirens if the bombs start coming that's for sure.  The evening before, big groups of people gather in squares to commemorate their soldiers, while some gatherings are also for the both the Israeli and Palestinian victims of war and terror.  I haven't been myself, but I hear it's all extremely emotional and intense. God knows how many more people will die in the future as well.  It's a horrible realisation.

Wave those flags kids

As the sun goes down on that day, the celebrations start to break out.  The whole country erupts in a display of patriotism unheard of. The unbridled joy started for my kids at school a few days before.  I received a lot of photos in my inbox of the children celebrating the coming of Independence Day.  I've never seen more Israeli flags in my life.  Making them, sitting on them, waving them, wearing them.  There was also a lot of pita, hummus and falafel eating.  However, there was one particular video that reeked of indoctrination into the Israeli army.  My 5 years olds, along with 30 others - standing on chairs, wearing blue and white, waving the shit out of a bunch of flags and being coached to scream "ISRAEL" over and over again.  They seemed to be enjoying it though.....

Flags and Caps

Whipping up some Israeli salad

Yay Israel

.

Pumping

I went to a thumping street party the night before the big celebrations, and got predictably mashed. This was on the tail end of nasty case of alcohol poisoning the week before.  Then the day of the Yom Ha'Atzmaut BBQ was obviously a no holes barred exercise into the depths of piggery.  Apart from eating my body weight in cream cheese icing (I was just scraping it off the sides of the cake after most of the guests went home), I also had to deal with issues such as my kids spraying the entire contents of their "Yom Ha'Ayzmaut Snow In A Can" (which turned out to be noxious chemical foam) all over my sister in laws herb garden.  I then had to cart buckets of water to the garden and clean each individual leaf.  Chemical soap really sticks to organic herbs..... Once this day passed, I decided that a juice cleanse was probably on the cards.  I love the concept of the cleanse.  It's much much better than a diet. When you're on a diet, people have no respect for you.  They're secretly thinking "She's on a diet?? Loser - like it will work", and then to your face 'Go on, have a marshmallow, they're fat free".  The truth is I've never been offered a marshmallow in my life dieting or not.  But when you're on a cleanse people have respect for you.  They're like "Wow, you're so healthy".  You feel superior that's for sure. You're like "Yeah bitches, I can not eat for a week and almost crap my pants on occasion, fuck youse all".  No wonder Gywneth Paltrow has her head up her own arse.  I feel you Gwennie, I feel you love.

Watching

Happy

Snoopy is Jewish

Spray those chemicals my love

Looks happy enough

I'm off to the UK on Thursday.  No kids either.  God I'm smug.  But three nights of bliss - who wouldn't be slightly conceited?  Listen, I love those little Shithawks more than I love my own limbs, but I just get so sick of them fucking up my life.  They really just suck all your dreams away and shit in the black chasm that remains.  Plus, why are they so bloody filthy? How many times can a person resentfully clean the same mess.  And when you ask them to help they're like "I'm not your servant".  It's true, sad but true.  And what is more sad is that you are their's.  Bring back child labour I say.  The kids of today are so whiny and resistant to being forced into slavery.  God knows how I'd get mine up a chimney, or pounding bricks for 15 hours a day.  I'd have to lie and say there was a packet of candy at the top of the chimney, or a My Little Pony figure hidden inside one of the bricks.  I think I would like a servant of my own though.  Cleaners are no good.  They only come once a week and you have to clean up anyway before they come so they stop picking up toys and move into the toilet arena.  I want someone who lives in the house in a small room and comes out without me ever seeing them and keeps my life gleaming.  I think my one chance for finding a servant could be in the UK.  They had great servants - I've seen Downton Abbey.  Plus the class system is still alive and well.  I want one like Anna, she was really nice, and seemed to love her job.  It's settled then, I'm going servant hunting - wish me luck.

Nobody else will do