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| Chalks dressed appropriately for today |
Sometimes it happens. And when it does, there is absolutely nothing you can do about it, and no way out of it.
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| Cordi struggles with check-in |
We got off to a dubious start during our check-in to Israel when some dickhead left his suitcase out in the open while he wandered off to grab a snack from the Family Mart. One abandoned suitcase in the check-in zone for a flight to Israel equals mass panic, and an evacuation carried out with such speed and dedication that the dogs were sent in before the dude even popped the top off his sour cream and chive pringles.
I should have sensed there was going to be trouble from that moment. But who really expects the shiz to hit the fan? It’s always a shock. But the way I think of it, with the amount of flying we’ve racked up, our number is constantly and fast moving towards being up.
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| This was too subtle. I went hot pink with monkeys |
To kick things off, we didn’t have the means available to take a points ticket in business class. Although we don’t usually travel in the higher end of the plane on short trips, on anything longer than 6 hours – and especially an overnighter – warrants a points upgrade in our opinion. It wasn’t possible. As the flight took off at midnight, the girls were already goners, folded over and around our shoulders like lumpy and weighty scarves, as we struggled with our excess of luggage.
The plane was chockers. Completely full. A total pain in the arse. You always hold out for the holy grail of economy class – a 4-seater all to yourself. But as airfare prices fall, and planes are packed fuller than ever, that becomes an unlikely scenario, and this time it was more so than ever. Faced with a unpleasant night I went somewhere where I had vowed never to go. A place I reserved for mockery and the shaming of others (especially those who wore them round the airport before boarding). Yes, I am talking about the neck-pillow, and I finally got pushed over the line by a friend whose advice I respect (deep, deep, deep down), who encouraged me to try one out.
I admit it, it does prevent the dreaded crick in the neck from getting all flopsy when you’re on the nod. And I would like to attribute my 6 hours of sleep to it’s hot pink and monkey covered presence around my shoulders.
After copping a foot hard to the boob about 8 and a half hours into the flight, I woke up with my bladder bursting. I stood in line outside the tiny cubicle and smiled at a tatty blonde haired woman waiting in front of me. Then came the announcement that you never want to hear uttered while 40 000 feet above the ground. First in Hebrew, and then English:
“Ladies and Gentlemen, we have just lost one of our two engines and have been forced to attempt an emergency landing, please return to your seats, and prepare yourselves and belongings for impact”.
I'm not going to lie, it wasn't good.
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| Just not much going on here |
As we broke through the thick grey clouds on a sharp trajectory down I looked out across the landscape below. The early morning light had only just swept the sky and all I could see were plains of orange grass. Not one sign of civilization. Eye contact with my fellow passengers was a bad idea – you can see your own fear reflected in their faces. Unfortunately my husband had been seated alone several rows away from us, so I couldn’t even hold his hand for comfort. All I could do was to place a hand on each of the girls and wonder if it was too late to pray.
It actually looked like we were going to land in the long grass – only later a girl next to me said she could see the small strip we were headed for. We hit hard. And with one engine functioning in reverse, it seemed like the slow down was never going to happen. But of course it did. We were safely on the ground.
In Asama, Eritrea.
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| Bustling |
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| Going nowhere in a hurry |
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| Not exactly uplifting image here |
I was one of a few ignorant types that had never heard of the small African nation that borders Ethiopia and Somalia, but I would forever remember it now. It is safe to say that it is one of the most destitute countries on the face of the planet. It is also predominantly Muslim, and possibly a place where you just don’t want to show up in a white plane with a blue Star of David on the tail and Israel plastered across the side - although Israel does have an Israeli ambassador there (he turned up and posed for pictures with the passengers), and the Israeli government calls it "the only friendly port on the Red Sea". We were lucky, dam lucky - if we had had to land in Egypt or Sudan it could have been an international incident.
Any further interest in this tiny country I know nothing about? If so, read on.....
"Roughly the size of Pennsylvania, Eritrea has a population of at least 6 million people. About 69 percent of them are poor, the school enrollment rate stands at 47 percent and annual per capita income was $403 in 2010, according to the World Bank. The country has faced chronic drought over the years, fueled in part by the government’s restrictive economic policies, according to the Central Intelligence Agency’s World Factbook".
"Human Rights groups, which often lack access to the country, have called Eritrea an oppressive state where the rights of civilians are frequently violated. Human Rights Watch, which once described Eritrea as ‘‘a giant prison,’’ reports that ‘‘torture, arbitrary detention, and severe restrictions on freedom of expression, association, and religious freedom remain routine’’ in the country. The group says in its global report for 2013 that ‘‘political parties are not allowed’’and that ‘‘Eritreans are routinely subject to imprisonment without explanation, trial, or any form of due process. Incarceration often lasts indefinitely’’.
Maybe not the greatest place to visit as a tourist, but beggers can’t be choosers. But like I said, it could have been worse. It could have been Somalia.
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| Broken welcome sign |
There was a fire truck waiting to greet us, however that thing would have had trouble putting out a cigarette by the look of it. We didn’t need it anyway (there was no smoking on board). However, we did not have the authorization to land, and certainly not to disembark, so for 3 long hours we sat on a stuffy plane waiting until they cleared us for entry. We all piled off and were escorted onto a couple of buses that drove us 30 metres to the door of the “International” airport. We were greeted by some shifty types, some serious types, and some secret service-looking types. After a few announcements by the captain, it became clear that we were going nowhere in a hurry. All 218 people settled into the airport waiting area for what turned out to be a very long day. We couldn’t leave the airport for security reasons, but the airport had absolutely no food or water. Luckily they brought a few bottles off the plane so at least we could drink.
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| Refugees |
An examination of the engine indicated serious and unfixable issues, so consequently it was deemed necessary to fly another plane all the way from Israel to pick us up. That took all day. I repeat, all fucking day. There was talk of transferring us to a hotel - but with immigration and then security risks and checks, it just wasn't going to happen. So we instead spent 15 hours in an airport with barely any food and minimal drinks. They managed to bring something in for people to eat about 8 hours after we arrived - but canned tuna mixed with tomato paste on stale thick white bread, is a culinary challenge I'm just not ready to take on. I ate some stale, tasteless cake that was rustled up instead. This was the one and only occasion I wasn’t laden down with extra snacks for the girls. What a fuck-up. They are lucky they are so cute, and as they were two of only three children on the plane, they were showered with candy and chocolates from all the other passengers. They were absolutely the darlings of the entire plane, and everyone was sweet to them, and for that I am so so grateful. At one stage Cordi turned to me with her mouth full of a mini Mars bar and said "Mum, this is better than Christmas".
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| Choccy high |
There was one person who wasn’t the darling of the plane and that was a senile old lady who had been put on a flight from New Zealand to Israel to visit her son. There was a non-English speaking Thai porter who helped her transfer at Bangkok, but after that she was totally on her own. When she was asked her reasons for visiting Israel by officials, she responded "Israel? ISRAEL??? I'm not going to Israel". She kept wandering around the plane, and when we had the emergency landing she had absolutely no idea what was going on or where she was. The hostesses lumped her care for the entire day onto an Australian nurse who was sitting behind me, and gave her 2 valliums to drug the old lady with.
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| All happy until somebody squished a large scorpian nearby |
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| Sing-a-long |
It really was a long, long, day. But Israelis being Israelis made the best of it. There was lots of happy chatting, good humored pooling of resources, sharing, and laughing. There was also a few sing-a-longs – most notably when some famous dude got his guitar out and led 100 people in a chorus of classics. I accidently got involved when I took Valli to the toilet and was spotted by an airhostess and dragged to the front of the circle where it was loudly announced (in Hebew) “:This woman and her family are emigrating to Israel TODAY!!!!”. This kind of announcement, when told to any Australian friends was met with the response “What the fuck do you want to do that for?????”. However, amongst Israelis it was met with loud cheers, joy, and congratulations. Then the guitarist broke into a song of welcome and sung it to my face, then everyone joined in and tried to force me to dance to it by gripping my hands and shaking me. It was pretty nerdy. Almost nerdy as the fact that I was wearing sandals over socks. It was my plane look for the toilet - I wasn't expecting to publicly spend 15 hours embracing this fashion faux pas, and it was cold too, so I wasn't taking them off.
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| Just don't think this one's going to be the next big thing |
And finally, FINALLY, the new plane arrived as it was getting dark, and the cheers rang out. But then it took another 3 hours to unload the old one, load the new one and sort shit out. Eritrean airport doesn’t exactly have the latest equipment, a team of donkeys appeared to be pulling some of the cargo. Ok, maybe not, but the donkeys would have been quicker than the sorry excuse for a luggage cart they produced
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| The forbidden zone |
And we were on. Strapped in and ready to go. The girls passed out immediately. The safety video was played and the plane began to fire up......and then........
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| No idea it's going to take 15 hours - Valli is suss though |
Suddenly the air pressure started building and building, and everyone was clutching their ears and moaning. The pain woke Cordi up, who went into an absolute melt-down of pain and terror. She had a little bit of a cold, so that never helps. But she was so frightened that she covered her mouth and wouldn't drink or chew a candy or swallow, but was spasming in agony. The poor little thing, it broke my heart. I couldn't do anything to help her. At last they turned it off, but of course it thwarted our leaving plans. The captain made an announcement that something was wrong with the air pressure (oh, really???) and we couldn't take off after all. Well after that everybody went nuts. People were yelling and screaming at each other, and going all round mental. Then everyone was out of their seats and fighting, while some were surging up the back of the plane and begging, just begging, for a tiny scrap of food. It wasn't good. But we waited it out - for yet another 2 hours. And finally, god dam fucking christ all mighty finally, the plane took off. My ears did not feel good the entire flight, but all I cared about was that Valli and Cord were asleep. I was so hungry there was no way I could nap. The food came out and it was good. If, like most people, you find it hard to enjoy the fine fare offered on a plane, just starve yourself for 15 hours beforehand, and I promise you it will then taste like crème brûlée.
At least I just had my own children to look after. I felt really sorry for the woman who had to care for the crazy lady. She admitted to me that she if someone had told her the day before that she would end up in a country she's never heard of, grinding up drugs in the airport bathroom in order to slip a mickey to a demented woman, disguising them inside a stale piece of cake, she never would have imagined it. Apparently there was no effect on the woman after both valliums (a double dose) - the old duck must be immune. Wish she'd handed them over to me - I couldn't relax properly until the plane was completely stationary at Tel Aviv airport which took 3 more hours of flying. And let me just say, that once we got off and carried the sleeping girls, plus our luggage, plus having to make a pit stop in an airport office at 1am to fill out emigration paperwork, and then drove into Tel Aviv, we were beyond finished. I got to bed well after 2am. Our flight was 17 hours late, and can you believe that Chalky's beautiful sister Hannah and his brother in law Alex (who are both busy doctors) were waiting for us when we arrived? Such an incredible thing - I will never forget it.
Our adventure made tonight's news - as did a lot of footage from the days events taken on cell phones. There's talk of compensation - and let's hope it's better than the chocolate and the movie tickets they palmed off on us as a pathetic "sorry" when we disembarked. Unamused. The chocs weren't bad though.
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| Thanks for not letting me and die and everything - but where's our real compo bitches? |
So now, we are here, our first day in Tel Aviv settling into life in our new country. Let's hope it goes a lot smoother than the journey here.
*For anyone who wants a look on at one of the english articles online:
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