Feeling hot hot hot......

Park fun

All good and well until you need a piss

Holy shite.  New York goes OFF in summer.  I'd never scoped the vibe there come summertime before, and I must say I was impressed.  Mighty impressed.  We arrived during a week long heat wave, with every day peaking into the 40s.  I think I'd been conditioned by the Caribbean because I actually found it tolerable.   Besides, it was action all stations, with sprinklers in the playgrounds and soaked kids running around screaming, people spilling out of bars and restaurants into the balmy evenings.  Everyone was strutting around in "shortaralls".  Now, I haven't worn a playsuit since I was 18 months old.  And at the age of almost 40 I suspect it's not a good look to look like a toddler.  Yet I was swept into the vibe, picked up an all-in-one green number, and spent my days pulling a wedgie out of my crack.  I also had to completely undress every time I needed to go to the toilet.

Vibrant

Herpes Soup

We were staying at the same shambolic hotel we stayed at last time in Williamsburg.  They'd offered us a discounted rate due to the renovation issues they had last time round.  It was barely better.  You still sat around awkwardly in the lobby and ate a shabby breakfast dealing with uncomfortable eye contact from your fellow hotel guests.  This time around though, the pool was open and happening.  Really happening.  When we arrived late at night there was a full on pool party going on.  There were about a hundred and fifty people there and most of them were in the water which was changing from purple to red to green due to some flashing underwater lights.  But as pools go, well, let's just say that this pool was the only one around for miles.  You don't get that many pools in NYC due to space issues.  Everyone wanted in, and for $45 a pop during the day, anyone who had the money to blow was in.  The price would certainly put you off bringing your family of 5 out for a day in the heavily chlorinated waters.  But for hot young hipsters in their bikinis it was right on.  I can see why they put so many chemicals in there. I slipped in for a dip.  It was pretty gross.  Really warm, a number of couples possibly having sex, and about a dozen long hairs got stuck around my fingers as I was breast stroking out of there faster than you can say "Does this much chlorine actually bleach your skin?".  All the area was good for (in my opinion), was drinks and people watching. So it's lucky I enjoy both simultaneously.

The NYC dogs are far more onto it than most

Shopping and shows was how we occupied our time.  Naturally it was great.  Some people would find it unrelaxing shopping in 40 degree heat, but not me.  I had a schedule and no heatwave was getting in the way.  Plus I typically take a taxi to go 5 metres to the toilet from the bedroom every morning, so lets just say that I wasn't doing much walking.  In times like this, you can't just wander.  You will get heatstroke and be far to sweaty to try on items such as leather pants.  Be professional about it people.  Do your research first, work out where you want to hit, get the addresses - or walking directions, and take no prisoners.  The heat is pretty oppressive in that peak sun - which starts at 9am and isn't over until 8pm.  The heat lingers long after the sun goes down though.  Trapped by the concrete and glass, there are no breezes to whisk it all away so it stays steamy all night long.  It stinks a bit too.  Don't take a casual stroll on the outskirts of central park either.  Baking horse shit is not exactly the world's most pleasant aroma.

Colour

Can you believe this is one serve split in two?

As seen being jumped on by Tom Hanks in "Big"

Williamburg is the shiz

Brilliant

We never usually go to shows.  I'm one of those people that typically finds plays a bit awkward.  It's far worse when you actually know someone in one though isn't it?  Cringe worthy really.  But this time we went show mad. The ones Chalks chose were sick nuts.  The first one was Stomp.  The show that's been running every night on the Lower East Side for about 15 years and still packs out the seats nightly.  They did a tour to Australia a while back, but I never went.  But at this theatre in NYC it was a much smaller space and completely engaging.  Who would have thought that you could be entertained for 2 hours by people banging shit.  They are the masters of props.  My favourite one for entertainment purposes was the one that 4 guys did with a kitchen sink full of water on a chain around their necks.  Who knew it sounded so good when you banged a metal jug while pouring water out of it?  But when they went all out on a serious bang fest, it was like the best track you could ever hear at some sicko dance party.  This show made me think, "Some people are so fucking talented"...........

Go ahead and JUMP

Noisy

Tripped out 

Talking of sicko dance parties - the following night we saw a show that was a cross between a dance party, a weird dream, and performance art.  It was called Fuerza Bruta - which means Brute Force.  I had no idea what to expect.  We rolled up, and were directed into a large dark room with high ceilings. There was no seats - we were all standing around in the middle of the room with no idea which way to face.  We were told that when given directions by the staff during the performance we had to follow them.  And so it begun.

BAM!

The lights came up on some guy sprinting on a giant treadmill in a suit and tie, while people put chairs up next to him, that would roll along beside him and come off the back.  Then they would wheel up big walls of boxes and push that onto him so he would kind of burst through it and the boxes would go everywhere.  Then a giant sparkly silver curtain was pulled around the room and two girls chased and screamed at each other while running high along the walls held up by ropes.  The lights were incredible.  Following this, five people were crowded on a tiny room going mental to some brilliant tunes, they then burst out of the room and started smashing flat pieces of white polystyrene that were filled with glitter and paper all over each others heads.  They then moved around smashing them over everyone in the audience.  Everyone was rocking out - it was brilliant.  Well, everyone except for the middle aged straight couple who seemed to be searching for the exit.  They first started looking uncomfortable when we were all getting blasted by some wind machine earlier on.

Eerie visual mind fuck

show us your tits

Everything went dark, and up above there seemed to be something going on with the roof.  It took my eyes a little while to adjust but then I noticed they were lowering this HUGE perspex screen with boxed sides (basically like a giant fishtank) over the top of us.  It was filled with water and girls in floaty clothing skidding around.  They looked like spooky mermaids.  They lowered the giant plastic fishtank so it was right at our faces, and you could put your hands and touch it, up as the performers moved over all of our heads, and pressed their hands over yours through the plastic.  Then suddenly, they all went crazy and became evil sea nymphs and started smashing their hands down as hard as they could and screaming and finally belly flopping right over all our heads.   That perspex sure had some give.  Seriously freaky.  Then the mermaids and their watery cage were hauled back up, and the running guy was back.  The music kicked up even more of a notch and everyone was dancing and water was coming out of the ceiling from a rain machine near the DJ booth.  I managed to avoid getting too wet, but there were some other audience members that looked like they'd taken a shower in their clothes.  What a fucking brilliant experience.  This show made me think "Some people are so fucking weird"........

Found this on the internet - i don't believe in taking pictures of my food

We wandered the streets after that and amazingly came across one of our favourite restaurants in NYC - Pure Food and Wine.  It was on our list of things to do, so stumbling across it was pretty wild luck.  As was the fact that they had a table available.  I love it there.  When you're on a health trip you can get no better.  All the food is raw vegan, and the wines are organic and bio dynamic.  They make the most incredible concoctions you could ever imagine.  I had Sweet Corn and Cashew Tamales with Chili Spiced Portabella served with salsa verde, avocado, cashew coconut sour cream, and raw cacao mole. All raw.  Words cannot describe how delicious it was.  For dessert I had Coconut Lime Tart with Kaffir Lime Leaf Gelato - inside a chocolate shell with coconut creme anglaise, and blueberry lime pearls.  Out. Of. Control.  And the best thing is that after pigging out like a maniac you feel smug that you are a true health freak as you leave holding your stuffed full belly.  They need to open more of these places.  Ridiculously delicious.

Ditto

Brutally hot

The rest of our New York experience involved poking around vintage markets by the Hudson river, chowing down at outdoor food festivals, early morning breakfasts on the curb by the sportsground, park strolling, an evening viewing of Despicable Me 2, and two visits to go and do squats and crunches for an hour in a tiny carpeted studio uptown (told you I am going through a seriously healthy phase - it should be over soon)......I completely adore it in this city, and I am determined to come and live here for at least 2 months.  While I'm almost positive that I haven't - even just being visiting this part of the world makes you feel like you've got your finger on the pulse.

Hipsters at their hippest

Top Spot

Being annoyingly cool

Being annoyingly healthy

Barking walking chihuahuas are NEVER a good idea

But all good things move on to their inevitable end, and so were we destined for the people that we love in chilly Tasmania and Melbourne.  But first we had to get through 25 hours of actual flying time, many more hours of airport waiting and transfers, and a 15 hour detour through Tokyo to collect the luggage we'd scammed the hotel into holding onto us for 4 months.  It was pretty intense.  Possibly the most challenging moment was when we all fell asleep on the bus from our Tokyo hotel to the airport, and we all had to wake up, unload and check in.  Valli and Cordi were having none of that nonsense.  They had no intention of waking up.  But we couldn't hold them as we had so much luggage to organise and the poor little buggers were falling asleep standing up, falling over, and crying non-stop for 45 minutes.  We finally borrowed a couple of airport baby strollers and loaded them in.  Unfortunately they were designed for 1 year olds.  The girls hung over all edges, yet they were too shattered to care and immediately passed out with their little heads leaning backwards, resting on the hard plastic frame, and banging up and down as we wheeled them round the airport for 3 hours.  To be honest they actually looked like children with disabilities.  Sort of giant and distorted with drool running down their cheeks.  I was calling sleeping Cordi "My Left Foot", yet realised that it was a cruel thing to say, politically incorrect, and had no intention of telling another living soul about what a disturbed individual I actually am.  So I won't.....

I SO made this glorious item

But as the memories of jetlagged sleep deprived hell slip away, none of that matters and we have already had a week of fun reunions including a crazy belated birthday party for the twins with all my best friends, my family and their beyond beautiful and sweet children.  The weather was possibly the worst you could ever imagine.  Freezing, windy and raining.  Many people may ask why we would volunteer to leave the Caribbean behind to come home at this shitty time of year.  But I am so happy to see everyone that I don't even notice my goosebumps. Much.

Olive and I have a conference about our pass-the-parcel strategy

And now I sit on a rocking chair, looking out at The Shrine on St Kilda Road in Melbourne.  Our home for the next two months is a big glass box in the sky......it's modern, it's clean, the views are spectacular, and it's comfortable.  And best of all.....there's central heating.  That is especially appreciated because I'm certainly not feeling hot hot hot at the moment.  Let the good times roll again........

Pretty